I Don’t Believe Him Any More
I’m 30 and I’ve been living with my boyfriend (42) for six years. Ever since very early in on our relationship, he has freely told me that he intends to marry me, and very much I want to to be his wife.
Six years have passed, and we still haven’t made any real progress toward marriage. I don’t understand it. We’re not that young, we both have good jobs, our relationship is great, and we’ve been living like a married couple all this time. It seems like getting married is the natural next step, and yet he keeps putting up all these hoops we have to jump through first. In the beginning, he needed to get a better job first. Then he said we needed to move to another city first. Then we had to pay off all of our student loans first. Now we have to have a certain amount of money in the bank first. Oh, and he wants to be able to afford a really expensive ring first. On and on and on.
To be clear, I don’t really care about having the ring, the wedding, or the honeymoon. All I want is for us to keep the promises we’ve made to each other and finally be a family. If he asked me tomorrow to meet him at the courthouse during my lunch break so we could get married by a Justice of the Peace, I’d be there in a heartbeat. I have told him this. The fact that we are still not married after all this time really hurts me, and it makes me nervous to move forward on the other big plans we have for our future (e.g. buying a house together).
But as always, he won’t commit to a time frame. It’s just “Don’t worry baby, I’m definitely going to marry you.” At what point does saying that stop being a stalling tactic and start just being a lie?
Just today, we were reviewing our finances and he started talking about these big elaborate plans he has for our wedding. (The same big plans he’s been talking about for years, but no proposal.) I stopped him and said, “Look, it’s great that we’re talking about marriage, but it makes me nervous because we’ve talked about it for so long without actually doing it, and I’m afraid I’m just going to get my heart broken again. If you’re really planning to marry me, we need to decide on a timeline and stick to it.”
His reply? “I’m sorry baby, I can’t give you a timeline.”
If he’s not going to marry me soon, I wish he would stop pretending that he’s going to. I’m tired of being jerked around.