I Don’t Believe Him Any More

I’m 30 and I’ve been living with my boyfriend (42) for six years. Ever since very early in on our relationship, he has freely told me that he intends to marry me, and very much I want to to be his wife.

Six years have passed, and we still haven’t made any real progress toward marriage. I don’t understand it. We’re not that young, we both have good jobs, our relationship is great, and we’ve been living like a married couple all this time. It seems like getting married is the natural next step, and yet he keeps putting up all these hoops we have to jump through first. In the beginning, he needed to get a better job first. Then he said we needed to move to another city first. Then we had to pay off all of our student loans first. Now we have to have a certain amount of money in the bank first. Oh, and he wants to be able to afford a really expensive ring first. On and on and on.

To be clear, I don’t really care about having the ring, the wedding, or the honeymoon. All I want is for us to keep the promises we’ve made to each other and finally be a family. If he asked me tomorrow to meet him at the courthouse during my lunch break so we could get married by a Justice of the Peace, I’d be there in a heartbeat. I have told him this. The fact that we are still not married after all this time really hurts me, and it makes me nervous to move forward on the other big plans we have for our future (e.g. buying a house together).

But as always, he won’t commit to a time frame. It’s just “Don’t worry baby, I’m definitely going to marry you.” At what point does saying that stop being a stalling tactic and start just being a lie?

Just today, we were reviewing our finances and he started talking about these big elaborate plans he has for our wedding. (The same big plans he’s been talking about for years, but no proposal.) I stopped him and said, “Look, it’s great that we’re talking about marriage, but it makes me nervous because we’ve talked about it for so long without actually doing it, and I’m afraid I’m just going to get my heart broken again. If you’re really planning to marry me, we need to decide on a timeline and stick to it.”

His reply? “I’m sorry baby, I can’t give you a timeline.”

If he’s not going to marry me soon, I wish he would stop pretending that he’s going to. I’m tired of being jerked around.

Mar 10, 2019

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  • Ask yourself these two questions:

    1) What's his motivation? Sounds like he's getting everything HE needs as it stands, so why mess things up with grownup crap like legal commitment? You know that saying "Why buy the cow..."

    2) Pretend for a moment that he's married to someone else and you're his mistress. Is his chin music starting to sound like the lies they are NOW? A blow-off is a blow-off. Like I said above, he's getting HIS needs met and throwing you sweet nothings to keep you around.

    I'm sorry. :(

  • He has no intention of marrying you

    So asking him for a marriage date and ask his real questions about being a father and then you'll discover his intentions towards you

    Your biological clock is ticking, as a women you have limited time to have children (this is something femanism will keep you from realising)

    Go and listen to old shows by Tom Leykis. You may find him a bit shocking at first but he just speaks things as they are. You'll learn a lot about men and women. Just remember, when he did his show he pitched it to a specific demographic but the truth about men and women in his message still rings true today. Also the MGTOW guys will teach you how they see women as well, you can learn a lot from them (they are not women haters at all despite the media lies about them, they have great insights into women's behavior and you can use it as a check if how you might be presenting to your boyfriend)

    I seriously doubt your boyfriend is going to marry you because I'd say he's not interested in kids whereas you, being a female most likely are. Find out his desire for kids and then make your decision, just don't waste any more time, your biological clock is ticking and the wall is approaching

  • Thanks for ASSuming that females are all about cranking out babies. You get half a point for saying "most likely", I guess. There are plenty of us out here who are not, in fact, down with that idea.

  • OP here. I’m ambivalent about parenthood. I came from a large religious family, and my folks had so many kids because “that’s what you do.” We always struggled financially, and I saw how very stressed my parents were throughout my whole childhood.

    I like kids and I think I’d make a pretty good mom, but it’s more important to me to be financially stable and be able to afford a good life first. If by my mid-thirties I haven’t had the chance to have a child, I don’t think I’ll feel incomplete. I’ve got plenty of nieces and nephews I can spoil, and I don’t have to pay for them to go to college.

  • Nice s*** test. Great advice as well. Going through a divorce right now and becoming Red Pill aware. I am learning so much. I don't plan to go MGTOW, but knowing the true inter-s** dynamics will help me be able to approach women in a completely different way than what is wrongly ingrained/conditioned into people. I too want to share this knowledge with others when the timing is right.

    It is far easier to learn a truth than to unlearn one.

  • Maybe you should ask yourself why going through the formality of marriage is important to you. If you’re effectively married why bother with the formality. If it’s just to keep your word then what is a word worth? Whatever the reason tell him what it is and then give an ultimatum. If it’s that important then you are as willing to break up over it. Or the other way around.

  • Try


    You'll have a ring on your finger in no time

  • Okay. Sorry. Got a half smirk there.

  • Haha,and maybe he'll have her ring around his finger😁💩

  • GAH! Thanks for that visual! LOL

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