I was finally able to tell my estranged husband about the night he got drunk and sodomized me. We are in marriage therapy and individual therapy. Part of both is letting go of things that we've been shoving down inside. He started crying and I tried to downplay what he did. He looked at me and said I can't believe you're downplaying it! Drunk or not, what I did was absolutely horrible!
See? This is one of the behaviors I learned being married to him for almost 20 years and yet he wants to stay married.
I don't. I lived so long in unneeded apologetic behaviors that it's too easy for me to slip back into them. I like being alone and not worrying about his feelings. Its FREEING!