Accept Being Single and Alone?
I was with my ex for 10 years. I’m in my late 30’s. We didn’t make it to marriage. There were problems on both end. Not entirely his fault, not entirely mine. We stayed together out of convenience, and neither wanted to start over after being comfortable with each other and our home. I’m not one to give up easily, and don’t like seeing disposable relationships, or people who just use divorce as an easy way out. We genuinely tried, longer than we should have and wasted time. Eventually we stopped trying, fell out of love, and became roommate like towards each other. We did try to work on our issues, but it felt draining and we both just were unhappy. We decided it was best to part ways rather than stay together for the sake of not being alone.
For the past year, I’ve tried to improve myself. Took up working out, tried new classes, joined a charity with kids, got a dog, go running, etc. I’ve tried dating for a year, and haven’t had luck. I’ve had a guy tell me he couldn’t get over “my age”, and the fact I had never been married or had kids. I’ve tried going to bars, gym, online, etc. I’m genuinely developing anxiety over turning 40 and being in this situation. My ex has attempted to reconcile a few times, and I’ve been tempted - but know that it’s because I’m alone. I don’t have it in my heart to do that and don’t think it’s right — but, I’m losing faith, getting very down, and feel hopeless. I don’t feel like anyone wants someone my age if they don’t yet have children. Part of me feels like just accept being single and having a good life and being alone is ok, and the other part of me keeps leaning towards trying to make something work so that we both aren’t on our own. I just really want kids, and didn’t want to bring them into the world in the previous environment. Tired of being lonely, though.