I want peace of mind.
Hello, I am in a situation where I don't know what I want. Let me start from the beginning. I had many relationships but I was always loyal though somehow it always ended up.
But recently I was in a relationship with a guy but I didn't tell anyone. Neither did he. I was attracted towards him from a long time,when he didn't even know about me. But a few months ago we exchanged numbers & started talking. At that time it was only physical attraction but after a few days, talking to him became my habit. He wasn't at my hometown & I never saw him before. We used to talk about everything but he suddenly stopped talking to me. Then I also stopped calling or texting him. Then when he came to my hometown which is also his', he willingly started talking to me & came to my house. Then we started to talk & started hanging out. I started feeling for him & he knew it. After some days he asked me to be his girlfriend & I accepted. During this relationship, I was never his priority. He didn't give me any importance. He always lied & I knew. I loved him truly & I was loyal. He went to his relative's house for about 2 weeks. When he returned, I asked him to meet me but he gave excuses, lied to me & went to meet his ex girlfriend & I caught him. I fought with him & told him never to show his face or talk to me. I broke up. I stopped talking. After a week he caught that girl with another guy. He called me and apologized. It's been a month now. He wants me back but I'm not getting into this again. I still feel for him but whenever I remember everything he did to me I start hating myself. I feel like why am I even talking to him now!! But one thing he taught me by doing all these. I have never known my worth. But now I know my worth and I have even started keeping away from people who want to be with me only for their needs.
Now I don't want to get in any relationship & I'm determined. I have realised my value & dignity. But whenever he's around me I can't stop myself from being with him. He often visits me & we talk a lot over phone. I just get out of my mind sometimes. Why should I be available everytime he wants me? I'm not his toy. He has hurt me a lot. Still I'm there for him to help him with everything. I can't trust him again ever. I know if I go back to him I'll be hurt all over again.
I'm strong enough to handle myself even if someone breaks me, ditches me or does anything. But all I want is peace of mind.
Please tell me what should I do? Should I stop talking & meeting him?