I want peace of mind.

Hello, I am in a situation where I don't know what I want. Let me start from the beginning. I had many relationships but I was always loyal though somehow it always ended up.
But recently I was in a relationship with a guy but I didn't tell anyone. Neither did he. I was attracted towards him from a long time,when he didn't even know about me. But a few months ago we exchanged numbers & started talking. At that time it was only physical attraction but after a few days, talking to him became my habit. He wasn't at my hometown & I never saw him before. We used to talk about everything but he suddenly stopped talking to me. Then I also stopped calling or texting him. Then when he came to my hometown which is also his', he willingly started talking to me & came to my house. Then we started to talk & started hanging out. I started feeling for him & he knew it. After some days he asked me to be his girlfriend & I accepted. During this relationship, I was never his priority. He didn't give me any importance. He always lied & I knew. I loved him truly & I was loyal. He went to his relative's house for about 2 weeks. When he returned, I asked him to meet me but he gave excuses, lied to me & went to meet his ex girlfriend & I caught him. I fought with him & told him never to show his face or talk to me. I broke up. I stopped talking. After a week he caught that girl with another guy. He called me and apologized. It's been a month now. He wants me back but I'm not getting into this again. I still feel for him but whenever I remember everything he did to me I start hating myself. I feel like why am I even talking to him now!! But one thing he taught me by doing all these. I have never known my worth. But now I know my worth and I have even started keeping away from people who want to be with me only for their needs.
Now I don't want to get in any relationship & I'm determined. I have realised my value & dignity. But whenever he's around me I can't stop myself from being with him. He often visits me & we talk a lot over phone. I just get out of my mind sometimes. Why should I be available everytime he wants me? I'm not his toy. He has hurt me a lot. Still I'm there for him to help him with everything. I can't trust him again ever. I know if I go back to him I'll be hurt all over again.
I'm strong enough to handle myself even if someone breaks me, ditches me or does anything. But all I want is peace of mind.

Please tell me what should I do? Should I stop talking & meeting him?

Apr 8, 2019

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  • Life is hard and. i lbet you will be fine i wish you well.

  • Love will find you i wish you well

  • It will come hang in there huggs. i hope you find it. i know it is hard..

  • Your his back up when his other thing didn't work out. You most likely will always be that if you permit it. He didn't treat you with any priority or respect.
    It's called going no contact, it's the only way you will get past this go no where relationship. Block him from all contact, social media, phone, dont answer the door if he shows up. You will heal in time.

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