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I'm still not happy
After years of living with my dysfunctional family, sheltered from the world as I pretty much served as the housekeeper/nanny, I finally broke free after my mom physically assaulted me and I decided I'd had enough of that environment. My boyfriend and his family took me in. I thought I'd be happy staying with them. My boyfriend and I get along, and his family seemed great (turns out they have problems of their own but that's another story for another time). It took a couple of months, but I finally got a job a couple of weeks ago so I can be self-sufficient and "worthy".
Instead, I'm miserable.
I feel so lonely being here. I'm in a completely different state where I don't know anyone apart from my boyfriend and his family. I don't really get along with his family and that causes stress for my boyfriend, which makes us argue a lot. At work, my co-workers barely acknowledge me. I have no idea what I'm doing at work and have basically accepted that I'm probably going to get fired soon because I keep doing the wrong things.
I go about the day feeling so alone. I start the day walking on eggshells of whose way I might get into in this small house filled with many people. I go to work, excluded and clueless. I go back to the house to an awkward atmosphere in which we are all simply tolerating each other... and I have no one to talk to about it. No one who understands.
There's a part of me that feel resentful of the fact that for years I resolved never to have a life like this. Working a miserable job 9-5, going to a home I can barely enjoy. I thought it would be different because this was a job I actually wanted, and at the time, I thought it was worth it to be able to come home to the one you love... but what happens when home isn't such a safe haven either?
I want to escape. I want to run and keep going.
I'd feel better choosing to be alone instead of feeling alone when I'm surrounded by so many people.
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