Therapy session

(Not my native language, please excuse any errors) i started writing this poem/ rap and thought id post it somewhere. Welcome to my therapy session.

Sometimes i think i'm alittle too different
Like i dont belong and i'm always indifferent
It's cool if you disagree
It's ok you don't wanna listen
These bars i'm spitting
That ive written
In the dark
The fear is crippling
The voices in my head screaming
And i wish i could wake up
But they telling me that i aint dreaming
Which doesn't surprize me
Cause i can't remember the last time i've been sleeping
My thoughts terrify me
Sipping coffe at 4am talking bout my feelings
To my reflection
Cause shes the onlyone who listens
I doubt my motives
Is this an illness?
I doubt the sincerity of my emotions
I lack security
Dont like being open
I'm alittlebit twisted
Some might say i'm broken
If they see under the surface, behind all the joking
I dont want friends
No i'm not lonely
I like being alone
When theres no one to judge me
Isn't that funny?
Maybe it's just me
Losing my sanity
But i kinda like to act something that i'll never be
Like a better me
With alot less insecurity
Maybe thats why people tire me
Why i'm drowning in anxiety
Cause i'm afraid to let my guard down
I don't want them to know who i am
It's kinda too late now
I don't know if i keep this up for myself
Or if i don't want to let others down
I don't know who i am
So i walk around with a papercrown
Praying to god that i won't break down
It's so damn close everytime
Yet another sleepkess night
And i swear that i won't make up another white lie
But i need to hide what's inside
Put on a fake smile
And say "i'm fine"
It's only a matter of time
When i will break
But i guess to me this is a game
To keep me entertained
While i waste away the rest of my life
Doing the same job from 9-5
Come home, make dinner and have a pop
Take a shower, go to bed, thoughts spinning nonstop
Soon enough i'll have to get up
Repeat the cycle
Wonder why i'm suicidal
I should get a hobby at this point it's vital
Ditch the routine, but i'm in denial
Because i can't stand change
I know it sounds atrange
To be so aware of my unawareness
To know i need help but feel this helpless
Pushing forward to see if i can take this
Burnt my skin thicker
So i wouldn't feel things
I became a monster, lost all my senses
Let myfear destroy me for all the wrong reasons
If you confront me, i'll be defencive
Cause i can't believe who i am, not to mention
Even satan used to be an angel
So what will i end up being?
Is this why i push people away? Am i scared of them leaving?
Is this why i toss and turn, why i havent been sleeping?
I've been praying for answers
God knows if there are any
And if there are, i swear i'll find em.
But for the time being
Thanks for reading


No Comments Yet

Account Login
Is this post inapropriate?
Is this comment inapropriate?
Delete this post?