Having Trouble Trusting My Girlfriend

I am 36, she is 33 and we have been in a relationship for almost 10 years.
I have a good relationship with her and her daughter, I won't complain about it.
Well, the point is, I know she is a good mother, I have no doubts about it, from my point of view, she is not as good as a lover as she could, and that is something I don't like.
Some things (behaviors, words, attitudes, etc), in my opinion, are related to each other, like actions and consequences, and I will explain them in detail, as well as telling about my experience, so that you can understand my point of view.

The first thing I really dislike is that she is always talking about her first boyfriend, who was her first love. She says negative things about him almost always, but what bothers me is that she is constantly mentioning him. Sadly, I strongly believe she hasn't gotten over him. The curse of the first love, if you will... in her case, that guy was her first in everything, i.e. first boyfriend -and SHE confessed to him-, she gave him all her virginities (mouth, vaginal and a***). He cheated on her innumerable times with countless girls, including her friends, and she forgave him every time. The worst thing is that her daughter is his.
In my case, she is, officially, my first girlfriend. I say officially, because I dated a female childhood friend I was in love with before, but every time I asked her out, she refused. It didn't take long for me to know that she was officially dating someone else.

Anyway, and back to the topic, what I mentioned before is a part of it. The other half is when we are having s**.
When that happens, she kills the mood and turns me off with her commentaries. For instance, in one occasion she asked me if I had done a t****** before (of course I hadn't), and she told me to try it with her. While we were halfway of the act, she started saying things like "Yeah, I remember when I first did this with my ex" and "he really enjoyed doing this". That was a complete let down for me. Same thing has happened with other acts (while and/or after performing them) many times. As a result, it has been long since I last e********* or properly finished.

All of what I have written here is just a summary of what I am living. It is really frustrating, because it's as if the ghost of her ex is still lingering on there.
That guy has played and continues to play a major role in her life, despite not being with her. I feel he marked/broke her in a complete way (body, mind and soul).

I know I may sound pessimistic and all, but I feel that there is no place for me in her life. Not an important one, and not the one I would like and deserve.
It's difficult for me to believe when she says she loves me while she is mentioning this guy in almost all the time.

I would like to know the opinions of you, people.
Maybe the females can express their agreement/disagreement with the statements below, as well as the opinions on the importance of the first love, how they have marked you, etc.
I believe that, in general, it is different for both males and females.
As a male, I can say that a good number (more than 80%) of my male friends/colleagues/acquaintances, have taken their first love in a light manner (instead of saying it's plain l***). On the other hand, most of my female friends/colleagues/acquaintances (around 95% of them), took their first love very seriously, and still have some impact in their lives.

Dec 28, 2019

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  • All these comments are correct. I had a girlfriend like that once and they won’t let themselves be happy with who they are with now. They miss their first lover and want that feeling back.
    Something is messed up in their head. Even after I told her I didn’t want to hear about him again, many times, she’d still bring him up from habit. She got where she’d say, “sorry”, but that doesn’t help.
    Leaving her was like leaving a zombie. As I was packing my stuff, she said, “this kind of feels like it did when Jeromy left me.”
    Getting away from her was like smelling fresh air for the first time. Best thing I ever did.

  • Find a new girlfriend. She will never change sorry man

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