I have been hiding the secret my ex fiancée and I broke up

My ex fiancée broke up with me last November. Everyone asks why and I always say it's something as simple as we are in different stages of life and try to pass it off as something mutual. In reality it devestated me.

If I tell them we are at different stages of life then all they will do is be supportive and say things will get better without going and trying to badmouth you to make me feel better. In reality it would just make me feel worse and I shouldn't be the one feeling bad.

You are the one that cheated. You are the one that sat there looking at me in the eyes and said you would do it again. You are the one that spent months guilt tripping me and manipulating me into proposing to you just to attack me for proposing to you. You are the one that lied through your teeth everytime you said you loved me or cared about me, because if you did you wouldn't do this.

I don't tell my family or friends the reason we broke up because I don't want to constantly be reminded about the things you did, constantly being tortured for your actions. I get it, I'm not good enough for you. Nothing I do is enough for you. My happiness means nothing, all you care about is yours. Well, I hope you are happy. You wasted 4 years of my life with your games and guilt trips and manipulations. You tried to shape me into the perfect little boyfriend like a little Ken doll that you could play with. God forbid I ever have a thought of my own. Even now knowing everything you have done over the years I can still sit here missing you. Missing what I thought we had.

So you do you, but leave me out of it. I will save you, continue to lie about why we broke up, try and move on and work on me. I just hope I never have to see you again. It's not even that you just ruined our relationship either, I went out and I met someone that was funny and amazing and we really clicked together and had a lot of fun, she actually ended up basically asking me out and all I can think of is how is she going to hurt me? Who is she going to cheat on me with? Why should I even bother trying if it's just going to end with her doing to me what you did.

I hate what you did to me, and I hate that I am still in love with you. Unlike you, I can't just throw away years if memories.

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