I cheated

So I had a boyfriend that really loved me, but I felt nothing.
I didn´t want to be with him, but he was really pushy and if i said no i would felt so guilty. So we were dating and i already wanted us to break up. At that time my self-esteem and self-worth were SOO LOW, so i felt that i need to say yes to everyone and everything. He wanted to meet me one day and have a good night with me. I couldn't imagine having anything s*xual with him. I wasn't attracted to him in any way. I didn't feel anything to him. So I rather went to my friend's house party. I didn't drink much so I was kinda sober (which makes this worse). So I ended up cheating on my bf with my friend at his party. I feel guilty for not feeling guilty if it makes sence. I didn't feel guilty even when he texted me ,,I love you" after i literally cheated on him. After like week we broke up. He was devastated and i felt kinda bad for him, but at the same time I was happy i escaped of this prison. I told about this to one of his friends... He called me a b*tch but supported me at the same time, he swore he won't say anything. I am better person now and i know it was the biggest bullsh*t i could do. A lot of people called me wh*re, a lot of people supported me. I will never do this again.
To all of you who have the same problem in relationship, please don't cheat.
It isn't worth it. Rather cut it off right away.

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