I'm an addict
My husband doesn't know that I am still a raging coke-head. I tried to kick but I just can't do it. But I hide it from him really well. I still go to NA (narcotics anonymous) meetings, and everything. I'm a functioning addict. Only I can't use money to buy coke because we have a joint-account and my paycheck direct-deposits into the account so he knows where every dime I get is going because he monitors the account on-line. So I found this dealer who trades me coke for s**. I don't like doing this to my husband, but I feel like I'm painted into a corner. I can't measure up. It's all just too much. My husband wants the perfect little wife and my parents want the perfect daughter...I CAN'T DO IT!!! We live in New Jersey and I work in New York City so, when I need some coke, I tell my husband that I had to work late and that I'll be spending the night in the city because I don't feel like making the long commute back to New Jersey. Then I call my dealer and he has me meet him at some motel for s**. Then he'll give me enough coke to last me about a week. What's the worst part of it is that sometimes he'll bring guys who pay him to have s** with me. And I can't refuse because, if I do, then I have to come up with the money for the coke, and I don't have it. So I go ahead and do it because I gotta have the coke or I'll have a nervous breakdown! I've asked him to please not do this (because sometimes it's 2 or 3 guys at a time) but he continues to do it. But, one day, I'm gonna beat this thing and everything will be better.