I'm an addict

My husband doesn't know that I am still a raging coke-head. I tried to kick but I just can't do it. But I hide it from him really well. I still go to NA (narcotics anonymous) meetings, and everything. I'm a functioning addict. Only I can't use money to buy coke because we have a joint-account and my paycheck direct-deposits into the account so he knows where every dime I get is going because he monitors the account on-line. So I found this dealer who trades me coke for s**. I don't like doing this to my husband, but I feel like I'm painted into a corner. I can't measure up. It's all just too much. My husband wants the perfect little wife and my parents want the perfect daughter...I CAN'T DO IT!!! We live in New Jersey and I work in New York City so, when I need some coke, I tell my husband that I had to work late and that I'll be spending the night in the city because I don't feel like making the long commute back to New Jersey. Then I call my dealer and he has me meet him at some motel for s**. Then he'll give me enough coke to last me about a week. What's the worst part of it is that sometimes he'll bring guys who pay him to have s** with me. And I can't refuse because, if I do, then I have to come up with the money for the coke, and I don't have it. So I go ahead and do it because I gotta have the coke or I'll have a nervous breakdown! I've asked him to please not do this (because sometimes it's 2 or 3 guys at a time) but he continues to do it. But, one day, I'm gonna beat this thing and everything will be better.

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  • comment 5: if it were that easy people wouldn't have drug problems
    comment 6: same thing, there is no cutting down when you are this far gone.

  • Are you waiting for the day you get a backhand and a bruise you have to explain? Why wait until then. The day the cat is out of the bag will EVENTUALLY happen. Can you cut down at least?

  • you need to start beating the habit NOW in order for your life to get better. take every day one step at a time...
    not doing as much coke, then no coke on this day, then no coke every other day...

  • I am really scared for you, please try to find help.

  • Wow. Hope you at least get to use condoms. The only possible way out of this bag of tricks is to be honest with yourself and get some help with your sickness. If your husband can't understand your sickness then I guess it's over for your marriage. That's obviously not a good thing but he's gonna find out eventually if you don't get out of this downward spiral. Hate for him to find out by way of discovering he has a STD you brought home. You've just got to tell him you're still using and you're sick. I know this is easier said than done, but it actually is the easiest way out..and, believe it our not, it's the least painful way to go-in the long run anyway..Luv ya and Good Luck

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