I ruined the most healthy and positive relationship I ever had
I f***** up by proclaiming my love for my oldest and closest friend. And it gets worse.
Sharon has always been an amazing friend to me. We have known each other for over 20 years had we mesh really well. We never judge each other or the relationships the other had. Until recently. Sharon had been dating Eric for some time and like many relationships, it had its ups and downs. Eric is also a convicted child s** offender. Though the details are not really known the paperwork I see throws around the word "intent" in reference to the crime. It is important to note that E was 14 when this happened and ended up doing a large amount of time including adult prison at a s** offender institution in Arizona. His prison stuff is not really a big issue for me as I spend some time there myself prior me meeting S. H***, when we met I was on parole. It is because of that time I did and the life I once lived that I can not accept E as anything but a complete and total piece of s***. Recently S and E broke up. They were living with his father and S's 19-year-old son. The living situation was untenable. I have battled drug addiction and bad relationships for years and I finally found some peace of mind and a few years ago decided to go back to college and get a degree. I will have my Bachelors's in the fall and was accepted to a Ph.D. program at an Oregon school. Sharon lives in Oregon and needed to get out of her situation. I figured we had lived together before and I can afford to get a place that I am going to have to get anyway but just barely, so we found a 3bd place and S and her son already live there. It gets worse. Sharon and I talk a lot and we sometimes flirt with each other. Harmless stuff that is part of the background of our conversations and nothing has ever come from it. However recently I realized that I had deeper feelings for S and was in pain not being able to tell her due to fear. So I did. I would not say it was unrequited but Sharon was still hung up on Eric. To make matters better a friend of there's interveined and they decided to continue their relationship. I found this out last night via messenger and we had a bit of a row. I don't know what to do. I can't accept Eric as anything but a child molester. He will always be that to me and such people are not worthy of sharing the planet with everyone else. Sharon and I are still friends but I wonder if that will last now. I made my feelings on Eric very clear and Sharon is under no illusions in that regard. She promised to keep him away from the apartment and away from me but I do not know how long that will last. This morning she messaged me with a good morning and a heart gif. This is typical. I did not reciprocate the gif and kept the conversation short and curt. I eventually had to explain to her that I was taking all the extraneous emotions that I had for her, boxing them up and burning them. The reality is not that simple. I can't just stop though I know there are several paths here that will f*** me up. There is some background information. Sharon has been married something like 13 times. I am not even exaggerating. It may be more. I have been married once. I don't know what to do.