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I don't tell anyone how i feel because the last time I did it scared everyone and my friends started hating me. I have all these emotions bottled up and I just want to run far far away and never look back and just forget about everything
Maybe what you did was just that unpleasant but real friends would understand, possibly give advice. Though I'm sure they wouldn't leave like you want to. Talking your emotions out to someone else is good for you. Or you could bottle up, but just know that you'll explode later on and it will not be pleasant.