Idk how people do this every day

I have no idea how people find the strength to continue being alive every single day. I’m only 21 but since I was like 12 I’ve pretty much been fueling myself with short term accomplishments like passing difficult classes or whatever but every time there’s a break in between semesters I always go back to feeling the full weight of how meaningless being alive is. I might have some sort of depression or something because I don’t really even like hanging out with friends or doing hobbies or doing anything but I just keep doing it to seem normal and not be a downer. At this point my brain has to be on autopilot whenever I interact with any other humans (friends, coworkers, family, etc) because I’d give off negative vibes and probably worry people otherwise. The craziest s*** to me is seeing full grown adults around my parents age who have seriously managed to live that long without losing their minds and jumping off a bridge from being forced to be alive for that many years. I clearly do not have whatever mental fortitude they’ve been blessed with because I just want this s*** to end once and for all there’s no point in having to do any of this stuff

Jan 3

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  • You just described me way back when. Yes it’s depression and that leads to disconnection. Counseling was far too expensive because I was poor back then. I did use my college counseling center and I got some good feedback. A few ideas…

    Get a job. A fun job. Work at a health club maybe. Get to know people outside of your age group. Wisdom sometimes comes from surprising directions.

    Do activities that are social. Take two pe classes next term. Pick group sports nobody knows anything about so it’s not competitive. Think handball or yoga or badminton.

    Try s*** that stretches you. Dare to be courageous. It was crazy but I tried (and liked) nudism. In college I had huge body issues even tho, in clothes, I looked to be confident. It at first gave me a nerve wracking cheap thrill but it resulted in confidence. Other ideas… try skydiving or something similar.

    I wish I’d reached out to Christian student organizations or a big church with an active college age ministry. Life has taught they are not as “judgie” as you anticipate and they have sober fun. Pick three big churches and go to bible study (that’s where you will meet people).

    I guess all 3 ideas essentially just change your perspective and mindset.

    When you’re stuck in depression it (life) seems meaningless. As I grow older I have become more aware or my mortality and that in turn makes me want to enjoy life to the max.

    Good luck!

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