Idk how people do this every day

I have no idea how people find the strength to continue being alive every single day. I’m only 21 but since I was like 12 I’ve pretty much been fueling myself with short term accomplishments like passing difficult classes or whatever but every time there’s a break in between semesters I always go back to feeling the full weight of how meaningless being alive is. I might have some sort of depression or something because I don’t really even like hanging out with friends or doing hobbies or doing anything but I just keep doing it to seem normal and not be a downer. At this point my brain has to be on autopilot whenever I interact with any other humans (friends, coworkers, family, etc) because I’d give off negative vibes and probably worry people otherwise. The craziest s*** to me is seeing full grown adults around my parents age who have seriously managed to live that long without losing their minds and jumping off a bridge from being forced to be alive for that many years. I clearly do not have whatever mental fortitude they’ve been blessed with because I just want this s*** to end once and for all there’s no point in having to do any of this stuff

18 days

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