I can't do this anymore. I'm 13, I've known I was trans for about 5 years now, I just haven't been able to tell anyone, and now I'm f****** stuck.
I never came out because I felt like a fraud since I hadn't chosen a new name. I looked for years, and one day my friend called me "Michael" jokingly and I liked the name a lot, and it gave me the courage to come out to him a few days later. I go stealth online to avoid transphobia, but IRL little to no one knows. Everyone I knew in my old town knows, my brother who is ALSO trans knows, but I can't come out to my family. I can't tell my mom, or my grandma.
My brother is also trans, and one time my mom came up to me and said "I'm glad you're not as confusing as your brother, because I don't know what I'd do." We've always made jokes about someone else being so confusing we can't deal with them, but that one struck because I was so prepared to come out. Writing this I realize "Hey! That could've meant literally anything you idiot, you stupid dumbhead." but I can't really do it NOW. I lost that confidence I had.
To make it WORSE, my brother gave me a he/him pin when we first moved into the new house, making my mom and grandma insanely suspicious. The thing that f****** hurt was that my grandma said "If you're a he/him, I'll accept you no matter what." I hate myself. I don't know why I can't tell them. I don't know what it is. If it's the fear they'll hate me, or if it's that I feel like I'm copying my brother.
I feel like I can tell my dad, since I trust him more with secret stuff. My mom has a bit of a facebook problem, so I can't really trust her with it that much. I feel horrible typing it, but it's true. I'm getting more confident, knowing my dad has been in my situation. And I don't live with or near him anymore, so I feel more confident telling him since I won't have to hear him say it with his voice.
I really just want advice. Someone who's come out as trans near my age, and has a good way to come out.