A Fake Grade A Student, hated by everyone

I just feel so heavy...i can't breathe on the environment im in...if you only knew how i badly wanted and begged to transfer just to stop all the dishonesty and cheating, but my mom just won't let me and i carry that guilt every single monday that i have to face you...back when i first entered high school, my mom started hiring teachers inside our school campus as my tutor and that's obviously against the law of our school but still we kept it as a secret...i felt so guilty but i can't do anything cause that was my mom's decision...during our periodical exam weeks, my home tutor/school teacher would give and show me the answers...moreover, they also manipulate my grades giving me higher than what i deserve... this secret got leaked throughout the whole campus..my classmates started to hate me..i can feel it but i can't blame them.. i don't deserve to be their friend..i never deserved anything from the very beginning.. every line of 9 marked on my card neither that bronze medal, i don't have anything to be proud of neither a valid reason to defend myself...i tried telling it to my mom but she wants me to just let it be and stick to the secret.. i'm tired of being under her pressure..she's too afraid that i would fail again and give her shame...but is it more shameful to get high grades while keeping that dark secret throughout whole school year? but my mom just can't let it go cause she just don't trust what i can do anymore, she thinks i can't do it alone.. she enjoys the honor she knew i got from cheating just to let people know that i'm her pride...but here i am full of guilt, a fake grade A honor student...i want to say sorry to everyone, though a simple sorry won't change all the dishonesty, cheating i've caused that made everything unfair... sorry...i'm sorry

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  • Your mom **, but not for the cheating; rather, she ** because she didn't explain to you what she's doing and why. She isn't treating you as a fully functional individual, but more as an extension of her.
    On the other side, you really don't need to feel guilty. You've never worked in a real life, so you don't understand how very unlike work and school are. In the real work world you never write a test and no one ever expects you to remember random ** when asked. You can use multiple resources to complete tasks, and no one will every tell you that you can't use a calculator. So, yeah, don't be proud of your scholastics, but don't be ashamed either. School doesn't matter much other than teaching you the basics.
    With that said, if you're in medicine or engineering, or some other hyper-technical line of work then you are ** when you get to univeristy, but if you stick to the arts and sciences your past scholastics won't amount to **. So, relax.

  • Wow..thank you for the kind words..whoever you are,may you achieve contentment and success soon in life...be happy❣️

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