Marrying the wrong person

Maybe by the time you read this, id be gone already. So i wanna talk to someone, tell how i feel and why every single minute seemed like a ** struggle.
I married the girl I dated for a decade following 2 to 3 years of trying to make her fall for me. I begged in front of god everyday. YES, BEGGED. When I saw her it was love at first sight. Really guys...love at first sight is a trap in disguise. Don't believe what you see in movies.

When she accepted to date me, I felt like I won over the world. It was that much joy. Over the years, we both understood how different we were from each other. In 10 years we had thousands and thousands of reasons to break up. But circumstances made it that we didn't. Or lets be honest, i was afraid to break this up because our family was involved and knowing her ( she never accepts her blame), i knew that i would be the one bearing all the blame for this break up.

I ended up started talking to another girl and I got caught. Though I never physically met that girl, I was made to understand that the mere fact that I was talking to another girl regularly without telling her, it was Cheating. I accepted it and totally became a "yes man". Just to save this relationship, because I couldn't even imagine the blame i had to bear if we broke up because of that.

Following that, i never had the courage to talk to another girl. Whenever we had an argument, she would raise that matter and i had to shut up. Because i did all i could to make her forget this, destroying myself on the inside and we got married.

Im broken into pieces inside, trying to bury my guilt deep inside me and living with this. With everyday passing, i feel less and less able to handle myself. I have no choice in front of me.

Our ** life has always been different. I have a huge ** drive. She has low. It became a problem following our marriage and worked on myself to kill my ** drive, my fantasies so that it no more becomes a problem for us. Today im a married guy who has no need for ** and end up masturbating often to please myself.

What kills me more is that she lives with me every day and she barely notice that im not fine. She doesn't see things, doesn't feel things and this makes me feel like **. I killed myself and burried all my sexual desires but let aside appreciate it, she makes it seem like its nothing big.

It has not worked for 10 years and it won't ever work, i know that. I also know what I will have to bear if we divorce, so its not an option. Im stuck between the devil and the deep sea and waiting for one of the two to take me down once for all.

Its killing me everyday and I no more know what to do. All that comes to my mind is suicide but im staying strong because of my parents. But my strength is going down and down.

Life can be so ** when you marry the wrong person.

I wanted to put it here because I have no one to talk and my wife will never understand what I feel or my point of view. Atleast here someone can read it and deep inside them pray for me, for my soul to rest in peace.

Related Posts

More Related Posts