30 year anniversary of a horrific day and bad thoughts

There was a kid I knew since I was little. As we grew older he became more of a ** than ever. Insecurity and low self esteem but I didn’t know it completely at the time. I knew he was over compensating for something and was just a **.

Sophomore year he invited all of his friends to middle lunch because he said he had a big announcement to make. He took out a gun and blew his brains out in front of everyone. Yes, this really happened, and it was a little over 30 years ago this year.

I hadn’t realized it until the other night that it’s been 30 years since he did this premeditated act and changed all of our lives forever. One could not forget that if you wanted to.

The whole day was slow-mo with everyone whether geeks or jocks staring at one another as we passed one another in the hallway. Nobody knew what to do. Teachers and girls were crying while us guys mainly stared at one another, or at the floor in a haze. There was simply nothing like it, particularly back then.

I remember hearing the shot as I was right down the hall in class. When I found out what happened, a dark yet honest thought jumped into my head. “I guess you’re not better than me.” Horrible to think such a thing I thought, but I know why it popped in there.

He always said he’d be better than me with that gross, annoying smirk and smile of his. Telling me I’d never make anything of my life when he was a loser often mocked too.

Few liked him, but per usual after his death tons of fake stories that all the then popular kids were friends with him and he was well liked. Heathers anyone?

Not even a month later there were bets going around school by idiot jocks that I would be next. Further proof that high school is worthless and jocks are sheer garbage.

I was suicidal long before my old friend killed himself at school in front of everyone. One day when I was in a horrible mood after catching the usual crazy ** from my unstable father, I ran into a jock in the hallway.

We were both very late for class and nobody was around. He said “so when are you going to do us the pleasure like ***** did and just end it for all of us?”

I was very shy back then but one on one I could talk. I wasn’t happy anyways and wanted to be left alone. I stared through him and my lip started to twitch. “I told him it will be you, not me, so shut the ** up already.”

I remember him staring back at me dumbfounded. I smiled and walked away. He grabbed and started choking me and I remember laughing. He asked what was so funny and I said all of this and that it was all so pointless.

The idiot jock stared at me worse than my father as my dad was crazy and the jock was a buffoon. Tough with others to back him up, weak like a little child when alone. I just stared not blinking. He was frozen yet staring back at me.

Then I said something I regret, but at the time I wanted to leave a dent. I did not mean what I said much like I know most of the jocks didn’t mean what they said often either.

I told him “maybe next week I’ll see your sister at the record store and slit her throat. Maybe tomorrow I’ll slit my own and you can laugh, or maybe I’ll just slit yours. Which one would you prefer?”

He called me a psycho and I smiled and said “”well you’ve helped make me this way” and to have a good one. I did it because I was sick of his constant bs. I was tired and depressed and hurting too like we all were.

Now, all these decades later, these same fake people go on Facebook and the like and make up stories that they were friends with him when they were the direct opposite. They haven’t changed a bit.

I think of my former friend who was clearly not well or in the closet, and just feel bad that there was no help back then. Of course, as guys it’s worse to admit things so we hide and put on the face. It all still haunts me and that slow-no never goes away.

Apr 4

Next Confession

I want someone to (literally) take my heart.

Related Posts

See today's best, hand picked, Amazon deals - Updated daily


  • newest
  • most popular
  • oldest
  • Im 11yo boy ani first c** when i was 9 and half .and i really want to sniff girls bums it has got really bad and im getting hard nearly all day in my classes at school what can i do


  • Feeling a sense of triumph when a person you dislike dies is normal. A drug addict, thief and smartass died some time ago after telling me how great he was and how not so great I was. He's been dead seven years now and I feel superior to him because I didn't use dope and drink myself to death like he did.

Account Login
Is this post inapropriate?
Reason for reporting this post
Report this comment
Reason for reporting this comment
Delete this post?