Loving the forbidden fruit

A couple of years ago my friends told me my relationships never work because I'm too uptight, never do anything fun. They told me I don't need to be perfect all the time and I ought to live a little. It's just how I was raised. They took me out and bought me some ** outfits and then we went out drinking (friends wedding). I'd never really been drunk and it was a lot of fun. I was almost 30 and now I owned my first really slinky dress, my first padded push up bra - see them in my closet made something inside me change. I started going out more often, and dressing sexier, wasting more money and drinking. I started to care a lot less about the values I was raised with and more about just living in the moment and having fun. I was really thin, and always wearing baggy clothes and going to the gym. Now I was wearing yoga pants and not really working out just talking to guys at the gym. I started to put on some weight, but it went mostly to my chest and **. Gaining weight was bad; but it turned me on. I completely quit exercising and enjoyed getting softer and more out of shape. The guys didn't mind, but I didn't want to go too far. We were out at a club and I saw this girl smoking and drinking, and I was appalled and intrigued. I want to do something THAT bad, I was really turned on by the idea of ME Smoking too. I pushed it out of my mind for a good couple of weeks, but it kept coming back. Then I bought a pack, tried three or four and hated it. That's it I thought, out of my system. A few days later I bought another pack ?!? I'm sitting on my balcony looking at my reflection. Looking at my softer legs - thinking about how I've already affected my health. Thinking "You shouldn't" but I saw that cigarette in my hand and I started to get wet. I wanted to be bad, I went inside and got drink, a pillow, and a bowl to use an ashtray. With a light buzz and the second cigarette, I knew this was the new me. It's been 3 months and I love my new lifestyle. Dress **, drink, smoke, ignore the gym. So happy now.

Aug 7

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