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I think I might have miscarried
My period was 2-3 weeks late, and it has never been so painful. In the shower, I was horrified, I noticed larger fleshy clumps coming out. From what I've read, this is a decidal cast, and happens a lot with failed or ectopic pregnancy. It would unfortunately make sense, I have had unprotected ** with my fiance, and with all the stress I have been under, my body has even been hostile to myself- I can only imagine just how much so it would be towards a whole new being. I get pregnancy tests tomorrow to find out, though it has me thinking.
I've never wanted my own kid, not because I don't love children, but because I know that with my genetics, they would not be healthy, and I don't want a child to suffer. Additionally, I don't think I would be able to raise a child from start to finish, because I don't think I'd be able to give them a 100% safe, happy, and healthy home. If I was pregnant, it's a different kind of mental torment to know that my body doesn't think so either.
I don't really have anyone I can tell right now. For all I know, it could just be in incredibly irregular and harsh period. I don't want to talk about it to anyone around me because I've been so badly outspoken about how I don't want kids of my own, how I'd like to foster, or maybe even adopt, and the last thing that I need right now is having to explain all of the reasons why I *can't* have kids of my own if it *was* a miscarriage.
It's probably for the best...