I can't stop thinking about gaining more weight
I have been fascinated with gaining weight ever since I was a kid. Sometimes as a teenager I would sneak food, but I never got fat. I was always very embarrassed of this, and told my wife about it before we got married but with the understanding that I was trying to get over it.
I am now 36 (M, 5'11) and the fascination is as strong as ever. A few years ago (I was around 175 pounds) I decided to finally gain intentionally and gained 30 pounds in 4 months mostly through secret eating. The following year I decided to gain again and gained 30 more pounds in just over 3 months. This was several years ago and I am still around 235 but I keep having the urge to gain more.
I love being bigger and don't see this going away, but my wife is not a fan at all and wants to see me make changes. I wish I had explored this earlier in my life instead of suppressing it. Now I feel trapped.
My wife is a gainer/feedee and I'm her encourager/feeder. I've put about 200lbs on her in the last 6 years. The key is to find a partner that is into your desire to get fat. Unfortunately your wife doesn't seem to be into it, so your are SOL.
Fat slob. You'll be dead of heart disease by age 50.