Plotting a pregnancy

I desparately wanted to marry my boyfriend and start a family, but we were stuck in a rut, the relationship wasn't moving forward, so I broke up with him.

He moved to another city but we stayed friends and we still had s** whenever we saw each other. I was still in love with him and still desparately wanted to have his baby. I think women who fall pregnant on purpose and force a man to become a father with no thought or consideration as to his feelings and rights are disgusting, selfish b******. But I was desparate, I was crazy, I started planning to 'accidentally' get pregnant.

I knew he would be in my city for work in a few months so I knew when I needed to be ovulating. First I used the pill to change the time of month my period came, and then I stopped taking it. Instead I started taking folate and vitamins. A week before he came I slipped comment about being on the pill into conversation. Once he was here I made sure the pill packet was left in the bathroom where he would see it and would think I was taking it. It was perfect, I was about to ovulate, he was here for a week and there was no chance he'd suggest a condom.

But then I couldn't. I was so disgusted with myself for planning such a horrible thing. I told him I needed to move on from our relationship and I couldn't sleep with him anymore. Its one of the things I've never told anyone, I couldn't stand my family and friends knowing I'm capable of such evil scheming, and I'm still riddled with guilt that I could even think of such a thing, let alone spend months planning to do this to someone I loved.

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  • You have overlooked the fact that you actualy did the right thing in the end. That's what matters!

  • But in the end you couldn't pull through. That matters. Get over it and forgive yourself and remind yourself that at least you didn't go through with it, like other women who could.

  • It's a good thing that you didn't go through with it.

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