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I know what to do
I can't help but have a vast magority of hope, it's unrealistic, but I need for this to happen. I need to have some fragment of myself back, because right now i'm lost. I know that my eating habits are because I feel that by being thinner, I'd get to be happy, i'd deserve to be happy. but the truth is, that I do deserve to be happy, yet i'm not. I wouldn't call what I have Ana, maybe like.. I don't know.. pre-ana... the leading up to ana, but not ana, not yet. I'm going to be/get more skinny, pale, and fragile. Things that are not unwelcome. I TRIED TO KILL MYSELF! I know I said that I wasn't really trying to, but regardless, no one just pops 32 pills on ** accident. How dumb are you to believe a lie like that? you think that me "trying to manipulate you" by doing something THAT drastic doesn't merit any action. When you see me withering away in front of your eyes, what are you going to do then?
get help honey, you're trying to be the center of the universe whether you realize it or not. the confession reads like an extremely neurotic threat.