I love him ever since we were in elementary

I didn't know about love at first sight, not until I saw him.

I was on a morning jog with my father.

While we were on a break, I saw the most handsome boy I have ever seen.

I was dumbstruck.

I was having the best time of my life just by looking at him.

But my father told me that it's time to go home. I'm really sad to hear that from him since i still want to look at the boy for a little longer.

Now, school starts and there I saw him again.

He was my school mate.

I was secretly overjoyed to know that we go to the same school.

At first, I thought it was just a simple crush. It was late when I realized that, that emotion is turning into something a little more deeper.

I always glanced at him and attend at every sport events that he participated. But I tend to get really nervous and clumsy whenever he's near. So, I ran away in panic whenever our paths are about to cross ( like in the hallway, the cafeteria, etc. ) and just hide from him.

In highschool, I gathered all my courage to try and confess.

There was an event at school at that time and I saw him talking with my boy best friend.

I noticed that he was looking at me again and again so I couldn't help but think that, maybe he feels the same way too.

I thought it was a sign to confess so I hypnotized myself to be brave and decided to approach them a little closer.

But then, I heard my name from my friend whom I treated as my boy best friend, and from the few boys that was with them at that time.

They were laughing and calling me names, and sometimes point at me, talk and then laugh again.

I looked at him while they were having a time of their life, having me as their topic.

In my mind I was saying to myself "So, That explains why he was looking at me. Can't believe I got my hopes high for a minute. I was just being narcissistic"

He sometimes respond to the boys with "is that how u really call her? And then what happened? Etc."

It was so heartbreaking to hear them talk and feels like the world just took a horrible turn.

Both of the person whom I deemed important was talking ** about me.

I felt so much emotion at that time that I didn't know what to call it anymore.

One thing that I'm thankful for was that I have never told anyone that I have someone I like. And I'm glad that my confession was interrupted.

Imagine if they knew that I love him?

It would probably be a bad thing for me.

It's just sad because I really did gathered all the courage that I have just to confess.

I was having a hard time telling my friends that I have feelings for that person, let alone confessing.

But after all what happened, I still couldn't force myself to forget him.

I still secretly attend his sport events and am still looking at him through social media.

I never showed myself to them again tho.

I really hate myself.

Is this normal? Or do I have some mental issues that's why until now I can't forget him?

( Btw, apologies for my grammar. English is not my first language )