i still love you.
it's not really a confession. or a secret?
but i still love you. i still g****** love you.
after f****** everything. you ruined my life!
i'm proper f***** up and after everything that's happened today, people are going to expect me to stop caring, just like they did after what happened before the summer, but i f****** won't.
i'll never stop caring. i'll never stop loving you. and i'll never stop missing you.
and i'll never accept that you don't miss me back.
i don't care if people say you don't, or if your friends say you don't, OR EVEN IF YOU SAY YOU DON'T. i won't f****** believe you because you do. i know you. and i know you do. you have to.
and for the retards that say i'm just in denial now.. it's been like 9 f****** months. denial doesn't last that long. i am not in denial.
i know you and how much i meant to you.
feelings don't just disappear.
you know the really really really REALLY sad thing?
i miss you because i need you.
because you would be there when no-one else was.
i miss you because you save my life.
i miss you because you took my dignity and now i want it back.
i miss you because i'm going to need you soon and you won't be there.
i miss you because you're not mine anymore.
through everything that went wrong in our relationship, i'd always say, 'it's cool, he's mine'. i was so f****** stupid.
you haven't been 'mine' for a long time.
goddammit. you know what's even f****** sadder?
you'll always be my bestfriend.
even though you hate me.
you always have been my bestfriend, ever since i met you. and now because you're all cool and have ditched me, i'm not changing how i feel.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT'S EVEN SADDER THAN THE SADDEST..?
when people ask me if i still fancy you, i'm all like
'nahhh, he's just my bestmate.'
and then they're like 'no, he's not anymore..'
then i shh. you can't argue with the truth.
i don't want to see you ever again. not because i have some f****** vendetta against you like you have with me.. but because i know until the i see you i'm going to be thinking 'you hate him, you hate him, you hate him' then when i see you, i'm going to f****** fall in love all over again.
i can't let go.
you're right, i'm emotional.
you're right, i'm a wreck.
you're right, i'm f****** nothing.
just know that you made me this way, i was fine before you left me.
you're a p****. i let you rule over me because i am weak.
i was weak ever since the beginning but you made me strong.
you made me not care.
i don't get why i f****** lie to everyone about it.
i make out that being your friend was something amazing.
it wasn't! it made fun of me non-stop and spat gum in my hair occasionally. i didn't find it amusing at all.
but i put up with it for the times that you liked me and cared.
but why the f*** should i have to put up with your s***?!
i'm so screwed up. one minute i hate you. the next i can't imagine life without you. then i want to kill myself. then i want you dead.
i want it to stop. just stop.