Despite tearing my family apart, overdosing, working my ass off in 3months wilderness therapy and 3 months worth of inpatient rehab, I gave up. I walked out and I have been home for 3 months now. Now that I am home, I have managed to stay sober a total of 4 of those days. Since I have been home I have taken 4 tabs of acid, freebased Ritalin once and snorted about 5 lines of Vicodin. The wrest of the days are filled with a constant state of being high from weed. Which is better than taking 6 xanax bars on average a day but it's just a matter of time. I still don't connect with people and I am lonely. I slowly feel all that I have worked for slipping out of site and I just wish that I had the desire to stay sober. I have a group of people in AA that are willing to hug me and help me get and stay sober, I just don't want to. It's too hard, every time I quit I feel like I lost my best friend and he is always there willing to take me back when ever I need him and I come running back into his welcoming arms every time.

Jul 8, 2010

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  • to be honest it will probably get worse until you stop your only going to get more and more lonely and create more of a void to fill for yourself and it seems like you do drugs to fill voids most do, I know saying it will be hard doesn't even begin to tell you what you will go through but if your lonely enough and desperate enough to get better and rebuild your family then you will do it.

  • Others can not seem to help you. You can not seem to help yourself. So... what next?

  • Weak

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