Despite tearing my family apart, overdosing, working my ass off in 3months wilderness therapy and 3 months worth of inpatient rehab, I gave up. I walked out and I have been home for 3 months now. Now that I am home, I have managed to stay sober a total of 4 of those days. Since I have been home I have taken 4 tabs of acid, freebased Ritalin once and snorted about 5 lines of Vicodin. The wrest of the days are filled with a constant state of being high from weed. Which is better than taking 6 xanax bars on average a day but it's just a matter of time. I still don't connect with people and I am lonely. I slowly feel all that I have worked for slipping out of site and I just wish that I had the desire to stay sober. I have a group of people in AA that are willing to hug me and help me get and stay sober, I just don't want to. It's too hard, every time I quit I feel like I lost my best friend and he is always there willing to take me back when ever I need him and I come running back into his welcoming arms every time.