Funny Confessions

Rosario Dawson

** is old and saggy, still thinks she's hot.

I would never have married her if I hadn't broken my legs

It happened to me. I was in a skiing accident and broke both legs, my femur and my tibia in the other leg. I was operated on for the break in the femur and woke up with casts on both legs. I was bedridden, without help I couldn't get up. My downstairs neighbor, a stewardess for Continental Airlines, took over. She took leave to feed me, wash... (more)

Have an idea for a hilarious prank.

I was at GameStop today and saw that GameStop shirts were being sold. Unfortunately, they didn't have the size I needed. Going to have to buy a GameStop shirt off Amazon I guess but, that's the genius of it. I don't actually work at GameStop but going into one with a shirt that has the store name on it is going to be a riot. Especially, when I... (more)

If you

If you play the guitar But you can only play very very slowly Are you considered guitarded?

Gaslighting

In a blind taste test I found out that I prefer Pepsi rather than Coke. I'm now starting to question my reality! I've stumbled upon a website called 'THE GREAT PEPSI DECEPTION' proof that I am not alone...

And I Ran, I Ran So Far Away

I am a ruthless dictator of a third world country and I must confess that my mistress is a real ball buster. Even now as I type this out she is making me sit down to pee like the common submissives that I rule over in my daily life. Please don't tell!

** ENVY

I can't help but feel envious that my dog was blessed with a 12-inch **. It just mocks me as it drags along the floor as he walks around the house drinking toilet water and ** the legs of my female roommates. Mine is so small it inverts when I bend... (more)

Music festival women!

I love how ridicuously slutty women are at music festivals! I remember once at a heavy metal festival, this woman, about 21, in the tent beside me was wearing a a very tight pair of leather (or maybe P.V.C) trousers. She had been drinking all day and was staggering about. At a certain point she bent over to get something out her bag when all of a... (more)

Sit at home do nothing ** on welfare and food stamps say s1e4

Tuesday morning after she crawled off her recliner and was sitting on the toilet with a cigarette in her mouth it went like this.
I don't know what he is doing in that apt. That is our apt we don't know why he is in their.
*Background : This lady fresh out of the sanitarium has a terrible rental history.
She has countless evictions she even... (more)

When Hunter asked for a better car they gave him a bomb shell

The greatest story line in a cop show was when Hunter crashed his POS dodge four dour junker cop car I think it was a Dart or something ridiculous. He had a couple car crashes non of them his fault but the car's they gave him were slush buckets. He asked his Captain for a better police car since he was a detective. I think he wanted to be like... (more)

I kinda like kicking guys in the **

So I'm 15, and I have a older brother who is 17. We were playing outside the other day and I accidently hit his nuts. I felt really bad at first, this was the first time I ever did this. However I kind of felt good. He usually bullied me bc I never fought back, but I never thought to go for his **... (more)

Turdburgers

So for some reason every time I eat Green Jell-O my ** turns green and looks like pickles.
So after taking a green ** after eating Green Jell-O I fished my green turds out of the toilet and opened a pickle jar and put the turds in the pickle... (more)

I find it fun to hurt boys **

So let me start by saying I'm 15, and I have 2 brothers who are 13 and 18. I just recently got into ball busting as ig it's called. I accidently hit my younger brother when we where playing football. I felt really bad at first, but I felt a sense of impowerment. Later that day I decided to punch my older brother, and make it seem like an accident... (more)

Take that

My ex wife and I split up 2 years ago, After we split I took some time to be alone and then went online dating, Wow what an experience but that's a whole other story, While cruising Bumble one evening I had set my age all the way down to 18 and low and behold what did I stumble across but a profile with some very memorable pics with a background I... (more)

Jerry

I took a naked picture of my brother and showed to my best girl friend. Know the want to see him in real time.

DESPERATELY SEEKING FULFILLMENT

I ran across a prostitute back at my old address who said she would do anything for $10 bucks. So though I had no money, my car it was so filthy I had her clean it of course. I thought she would never get it done but she pushed through to the end like a real giver. I have no idea why I behave in this manner. I suppose I like to occasionally assist... (more)

I did in fact pick her up, but not the way you think

Going to work one day I saw a disabled car with a young woman standing there. I knew that anything she tried to do was futile, these cars can't be fixed like they used to. I exited, came back around and stopped and offered her a ride to convenient place and to call a wrecker. It didn't matter what the car had, it wasn't going be fixed there... (more)

Just my luck

It's my dream of getting asked out by a hot guy like Luke Bryan but just my ** luck I get asked out by a guy that looks more like Luke Combs. I know looks aren't everything but it sure would help. I don't like Eric anyway,he's a disrespectful ** toad... (more)

THE DAY I SCARED MY MOM

IT STARTED OFF A COUPLE DAYS BEFORE HALLOWEEN MY BROTHER AND I WAS SITTING IN THE HOUSE WITH OUR MOM MY FRIEND KNOCKED ON THE DOOR AND WAS WEARING A ALIEN SUIT WITH THE MASK MY MOM ANSWERED THE DOOR AND SHUT IT IN HIS FACE AND TOLD US TO RUN AND HIDE AND WE WAS LAUGHING SO HARD BUT SHE MADE US HIDE UNDER THE BED WE LIKE MOM ITS ARE FRIEND SCARING... (more)

Moved to SOCAL, where the neighbors swim ** in their pool

We moved to Southern California and our neighbors invited us over for a get to know you cook out. They have a nice pool and a summer kitchen and the weather cooperated. The kids got in the pool, and by God, one of their girls took off her top and went **. I know now she is 13.
I have two... (more)

Wasted $3.60

I spent three whole dollars on a prank call to my bff’s abusive mom and she didn’t even answer. after i paid for it i saw him say she wasn’t going to answer and that i shouldn’t pay for that but the damage was done. i will never tell another soul.

Elite douches vs. elite snobs

That I enjoy seeing the works of fine art being destroyed by environmental nutcases. Fine art is merely the expression of one's own wealth, or a vehicle for wealth investment. In either case, it's only for the ultra wealthy. So, ** them and their art.
I don't sympathize with the protesters... (more)

I spent my days in the hospital and she made the days bearable

For my honeymoon we went on a trip to Europe, Italy and France. While in Italy we went to this park up in the Alps and there were some four wheelers and my husband and I rented one to go sightseeing. He lost control, we went head over heals and the four wheeler landed on me and I broke my long bone in my left leg. A helicopter rescue, down into... (more)

**

I'm 57 year old man and have worn ** since I was 9 months old. Mum said I threw my nappy out of the cot and ,having 2 sisters , ** was all she had to put on me. I'm not ashamed of it and don't see any reason anyone should be. Womans (more)

Naieve Dumb Kid

I am dating a girl who has a great sense of humor and a brain. We talk about everything and have lots of laughs at her asking flirty sexual questions. The answer I gave her to her last question had her laughing so hard she almost peed her pants. Her question was, "Did you ever have a woman dominate you in bed?" I laughed like (more)

Q&A questions

I once asked my friend if you put the ** in when you ** ** a girl........he told if it's big enough YES.

Friends husband propositioned me in strange fashion

Years back I stayed with a female friend. She was married but she clearly didn’t mind flirting with me in front of her husband even if we were both flirts by nature. Her husband pretended he didn’t care but he did. Of course, it wasn’t what it appeared. I’d sadly find that out later.
They went to bed and had (more)

Back when I was in junior high (I'm 55 now)

During my growing up years I was an exchange student in Chile. I will start by saying that my family is Colombian and I spoke Spanish pretty well. The family had a maid, and the man talked to her nice and patted her **. The wife would make comments about keeping his hands to himself. It was funny... (more)

Sleeping with her showed me

I woke up in bed with a groomsman and a girl from the party. She had me spooned, her nose in my neck. I wasn't wearing **, only a tshirt that belonged to him. I moved my hand down to pull the tshirt lower and ran my hand across her naked hips. I needed to pee so I woke her up, she let me out of... (more)

I have one question.

How are you able to fit all of that mass inside of those jeans?

5th grade incident

When I was in 5th grade, my friends and i would hop around and hit on other peoples desks. This one time when we were doing it i took break and sat down in someones seat. then my big body ** ** itty bitty loser friend came up behind me and pushed me... (more)

Baby heat

It didn't happen overnight. It took a long time. But from the beginning he was overprotective and butted into my life. He took me with him to a lunch with a vendor. He valet parked. When we were waiting for the car after lunch, he put his arms around me from behind, holding me tight against him. I didn't do anything because I didn't want a... (more)

Ed in Catholic School in the 60s didn't stop girls having

This happened in 1969. I was 15 and going to an all girls Catholic School. The School decided to put on a ** education movie, class by class starting in the 7th grade. My father loaned his projector and screen and told my cousin to be the projectionist. He sat through five showings, surrounded by... (more)

Free the , it feels so good to go in a crowd

Last week we spent a the week at a rental on the beach. MY sister, we are 22 and 19, teased me and took my top off exposing me to the onlookers. It was embarrassing for about a minute, then I said I don't care, dropped my arms and walked with my chest held high and my shoulders back and let them look all they wanted, men and women and little... (more)

Kissing cousins

This last week my cousin and his wife and kids came to see me. He found a quiet moment and ** me. It felt good to be held by him again and feel his ** in me. It really felt good when he released his ** in... (more)

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