Reminders of the past in a wicked way

I woke up to a beautiful day. The sky was blue the oxygen was good. I had a smile on my face. Then this happened. Out of the low a person decided to make statements of my past. It was the day and days before my rabbit Boo crossed over the rainbow bridge. The statement was made I assume with hate. There was an eye above watching I assume some kind of image capture system that was unknown, This person began systematically detailing the events of the day of the passing and days prior. This was almost 3 years later. This was a shock it immediately stole my happiness it turned my smile upside down into a frown.
It depleted my energy and further reduced my vision that was already stolen by another event that occurred years prior via the judicial system. A punishment that I plead guilty to stole my vision my dreams my future. Slowly I was able to over years gain a little of that back. It was a gain then a little reduce then more gain less reduce. The vision and dreams can return faster for some slower for others. When that sad day was detailed to me I fell the fall was something else. It was a downward spiral. It was torture but it was funny for people. I was unable to leave and find a quiet place to clear and pull a parachute so to speak. The fall was complete until I hit the bottom of this pit that does not exist. It was a pit that I created in my mind. Now I started to climb up the pit with my bare hands grabbing at whatever I could grab to pull myself up. Then this happened. As I was pulling myself up a wicked force from within the ether kicked me down. I did not have a safety rope in place thus I fell flat on my back all the way at the bottom looking up my mouth was dry I was thirsty my eyes were burning and breath was short because the bottom of this pit lack oxygen. I knew this pit and everything was a creation of the mind. It was not real but having that knowledge did nothing for me. It turned out the person who was responsible for this fall was myself. I had warnings I could have cut it out at the root I had time to find it and destroy it but I did not. I choose to ignore it and continue with whatever made me happy or whatever I wanted to do trying my best to stay away from a negative force is not always possible the negative force is powerful it continues regardless of any kind of block armor shield. You can not escape this it is a power of absolute hate. Absolute horror . It feeds off the sadness distraction, confusion that it throws at you. Even if you ignore it and continue whatever you are doing it must get some kind of energy joy pleasure out of just poking at you with words. It will keep operating and logging that what makes you sad or angry. It uses those logs on future attacks. Once it has a collection of words that hurt you the most it fine tunes it. It keeps working like an artificial intelligence software. I do not understand it nor do I wish to. Aside from the logs of words and statements it knows hurts you the most. It has other weapons those weapons are the things it has done or has knowledge of that after you ignore those words or statements go in one ear and out the other you defeat it. It pulls out this other weapon it has waiting that weapon in my case was the detailed events of days I had drawn a line and moved forward from. The events that I filed away and did not ever want to visit as I had already visited it time and time again in my healing process. The details are so accurate it makes you sick it I believe it could create health issues as well. It is something else something that sick that nobody wants to be subjected to. I tried my best to help people I donate to animal rescues I try to help save animals like baby ducks that fell into a drain grate. I gave money if I had to anyone that asked I did what I could to pay it forward but guess what that does not matter. That is not part of this wicked force that must have crawled out from a deep sewer pit from the deep of ** i don't know exactly where but it is slime. I just want the storm to come and wash it away. Or the wind to pick up and blow it away. It is funny when I do think about it because some evil force was playing watchman. That watchman was a terrible watchman his failed at it, I laughed so hard when I thought about this many times and it is garbage in garbage out like when I programmer writes a bad program. Garbage in garbage out . It was a joke so funny that I could not get a grip of why it caused me to fall. Until now if I had simply thrown out that garbage into a place that garbage goes this force would have been done for. It would have been where it would find its purpose in the garbage landfill so to speak. I want to make this testimony to anyone that has the smallest force that is a pimple on its ** just do what must be done with garbage toss it away and you will never have to worry about it sneak attacking you while you are in a happy go lucky mode the mode that the human best operates in. The human as we all are does not operate well in reminders of past events that were sad nor does it work well in sneaky events that you were unaware of in the past. These things do nothing at all to increase only decrease. The only way the future can be good is by what we do today. The past is over with done the future is what we can look forward to and living in today doing something today will improve the future. I cut grass and cleaned up my yard today this will only improve tomorrow it will do nothing for the past the past is locked away reminders of it may help you today if it is something of enjoyment good time great day something that made you feel so great. If it is anything less than that is only reduces you down to a frown. I don't want to be reduced down to a frown I want to uplift with a smile happiness however I can find it any thing that uplifts makes me smile feel good. If it is anything less than that and it is continues it will ** you up it will only reduce your future. The future is what we live for when I feel like I am not finding that I try to look up to the sky i try to look up looking down on the ground at stuff that fell down is no way to live. ENJOY!!!! HAPPINESS PREVAILS reminders of sadness only make it harder. If anyone can explain how reminder of sadness the most sad time can help you please please tell me how that works. Be careful when you attempt that think about it before you talk about it because it could be the last thing you do.

13 days

Next Confession

I was angry

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