I just want away from him. I just want some financial income and stability of my own. If i had that, he wouldn't be such a shitheel to me. That's all I ask for. That's all I pray. But no. No, why should I not have to suffer? After all, nobody else is feeling the pain, so it can't possibly hurt that much now could it? What would be the harm in blessing me with just a little bit of money? What would I do? Run away? Be safe? Create stability in my life? Would it really hurt you that much God, to help me out with a little financial blessing? I mean...really? I wish I had the money to walk out on him right now. But you act like you want me right here- no matter how painful it is. You act like his right to be an a****** to me is more important than the pain I feel and the tears I cry. And I think that's one of the things that really gets me, that really floors me. You want me to save him? Is that it? Influence him? What if he breaks me before that can happen? Hm? Some people are going to read this and say - well, duh. That's because there is no God. And maybe you're right. I don't know. But something tells me there's at least SOMETHING out there. And I need a favor. I need income. To get away. You'd think I was asking for a new kidney. It's not that difficult a concept. Hey- that person over there needs help. And not just help. That person over there really and truly needs a hand up. You know what we'll do? Ignore her! Yay! Thanks for making me feel important and like I have value. I'm so tired of feeling bad and hurt and angry. My life was so good 3 years ago. Was that the problem? If I wasn't suffering, then what? The world's not on balance until then or what? God f****** dammit ANSWER me. I just want to know. I just want answers. I just want direction. Something- anything. You want me to give up? You want me to stay here with this dickhole for the rest of my life? Is this what you created me for? Oh how nice, I forgot. You're God. You don't have to answer anything. I have to be compliant. Then you'll give me a cookie. What was I doing so wrong that I needed to have the rug ripped out from under my feet and end up with this man? It was supposed to be a temporary set up until I could get back home but everything went to s***- my income largely and YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID TO ME. There had better be a damn good reason is all I can say. Because I'm just a human being. I HURT. Sorry if I can't take brutality with a smile on my face. I'M NOT A F****** MARTYR.