Pretended Gay

In high school, I was desperate to be friends with this girl who I had always had a crush on. So I told her one day that I was bisexual (which I was identifying as at the time) and we had something to talk about in English. But we ran out of stuff, so eventually talked about cute guys, and there was this senior in our gym class who was dreamy to everyone, but didn't really speak. I was a nerd and he was a total pothead, so we wouldn't have been friends anyway, but to impress this girl, I told her I was in a relationship with him.

I made up pretend experiences (first date/kiss/f***...) and we would be able to talk. But eventually she wanted to talk to him, and although she never really talked to him in public (thank god) she realized we probably couldn't be together. So she told three of my friends about this relationship and told them I was making the whole thing up. I spoke to all of them, trying to contain the rumors about me, but was devastated that a "friend" like her would out me to the whole school, even if I was a liar. We stopped speaking (except stupid classmate talk, "that test was hard...the teacher's crazy) and never really talked about what happened.

So I'm sorry I lied about it, and to be fair I completely broke off the "fake relationship" so I could endure fake heartbreak.

Maybe I'm crazy, or maybe I experienced real heartbreak knowing that the girl I thought I loved would hurt me so bad and that I would never know real love like the one I pretended I had.

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