I'm a Horrible Person

I got married 5 days after turning 20. We've been married almost 14 years now. We've had our fair share of problems, but always have promised each other we'd work through them. It's just to a point now where there's no romance. There's nothing, really. He teases me just like he's my big brother, then expects me to be turned on when having s** with him. It's just BLAH. Married to a friend. I'd rather be single, to be honest with you.

We have two wonderful, gorgeous children. They adore their mommy and daddy so much and love us together. I feel OK doing anything to keep my babies happy. If it's their worst nightmare to have their parents divorce, then I will not divorce my husband. If he hurt them in any way, of course, he'd be gone in a heartbeat.

I've always had a wandering eye and thoughts about other men on and off throughout our marriage. My husband is the only person I've ever had s** with, so I've always been curious about what it's like with someone else. It never EVER crossed my mind that I would ever act on anything, though.

I've been hit on before and had chances to cheat, but always put the blinders on, resisted temptation, and stayed faithful to my husband. I feel like he does trust me, and I trust him completely, too.

So, this guy added me on his Facebook friends a month ago. I noticed we like the same things, and he found me on a radio station page. Here's the thing: he's about 9 years younger and single. We didn't really talk at first.

A few weeks ago, he wrote that he thought I was cute, too bad I was married or he'd flirt with me, blah, blah, blah. I admitted I thought he was really cute, too, then we began talking and texting every day. He really turned me on.

He dove right into the s** talk, and got really aggressive about wanting to meet me. I was having fun sexting him, but I never dreamed it would actually lead to meeting him. I tried to make excuses not to meet him.

He got my guard down, talking about how he's a grown man, wanted to be friends no matter what happened, that he'd be respectful, that he knew how much I was facing by meeting him, yadda yadda.

A couple weeks passed, and he insisted that we meet one Friday, so I said, "Fine," still not really thinking it was going to happen!

So last Thursday night, he texted me that he wanted to come f**k me right away. He got me excited, so I agreed to meet him somewhere. I was terrified, realizing what I was gambling for a little bit of fun.

I was talking myself out of it until the last minute, and then I just decided to go. We met, and I got out of my car and into his truck. I was paralyzed with fear-literally numb over most of my body. I couldn't even talk.

I was actually a little scared of him and wanted to run away. We made a little small talk, then he started kissing my neck. Well, that did it for me. I just grabbed the back of his neck and started making out with him. He grabbed my b**** and we kissed some more.

It was really erotic because he took total control. He just came to my side of the car, pushed my seat back, opened my shirt, lifted my bra up, and got my pants and panties off.

He was just on top of me suddenly, and like that, we were f***ing. I was saying, "OMG, OMG, OMG," over and over because I was horrified but excited at the same time. He was really good.

It was cool, because we were talking and stuff between some severely hot kisses. It was kind of relaxed. He really shocked me, though, when he ripped off the condom in the middle of it.

I was mad and scared, but still didn't do anything to stop him. I told him not to c*m in me, so he didn't, but I know prec*m has sperm in it and can get a girl pregnant. So, I'm a little scared about that.

Afterwards, we talked a little and left. I was left kind of wanting more of that. I couldn't sleep because I was so turned on. That went on for a few days.

He's blowing me off now, which doesn't shock me at all. I expected nothing from him, so I'm not disappointed. He pursued me pretty viciously, so he was after me from Day One. I could've taken or left him!

Now, I'm left to deal with what I did, though. I have nobody I could tell. I've always been a faithful wife and devoted mom. I always tried to do the right thing, not what everyone is else was doing. I've always been sort of uptight and reserved. It's not like me to do this at all.

But, I fell into the trap. All because of my curiosity. I totally regret it. I'm dying to just tell my husband what I did, and just deal with what comes after the confession.

I know what I did was wrong, that adultery is a huge sin, so I don't need to be told that at all. I'm just looking for a place to vent. Yes, I'm remorseful. Yes, I'm repentant. Lesson learned: keep the blinders on.

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  • Have you thought about being honest with your husband? You seem to have good reasons to stay married, but you need more. There are lots of people who have "arrangements" that allow to stay married and still get their needs met.

  • SHOOT your husband while he is sleeping ..use a shotgun then bring that guy over and f*** him forever

  • How about an update? Did you ever hook up with him again? How did you get away from your husband and kids? You agreed to meet him in the middle of nowhere?

  • i think your a great mother, always doing what was best with your family, not wanting to horrify your kids with a divorce. but if you truly feel unhappy with ur husband, get a divorce. the problem is that most people in divorces don't know how to act, and make each other miserable. but if they truly loved each other in the first place, than they treat each other with respect and kindness. this is wats going on with my parents right now, and i am so incredibly proud of them for acting the way divorced people SHOULD. i still c my dad around our house a lot, and everyone is happier. so if you decide to get a divorce, i wish the same happienss for you. :)

  • This might not be for every body, but I feel there is sooo much fine p**** around for a guy, that i do not want to be limited to just one. I don't get to f*** every hot girl i want, but I have been successful with a few of them. I just like NSA non committed s*******, so i can bang alot of fine women in my life. I have penetrated as young as 13 and as old as 45. all beautiful n sexy with nice t*** and c***. I am not shy to ask a girl for a f***. if she says no i just move on and don't let it bother me. Im 45 now, and men should get as much p**** as possible since life can go fast.

  • stop being weak,go what's really makes you happy and divorce your husband! take your kids with you, be true to your self!

  • Don't be a kat who kisses all the ass to get the benefits. that's a beggar for money, attentions and everything,that's such a cry baby! wrinkly p****,stretch fats on a table waiting to be served honorably.
    it's stealing your life and banks after death. your mind is fake dictating your heart to kiss ass,is a beggar kat on road waiting to picked up and get well.

  • even those people who are so hopeless and force to get married (because of his broken f***** situation) are not always happy. most marriage couple especially the old people who got married just to have a perfect family to be proud of is not always going to be easy,it's just an obligation to be followed traditionally. just waiting to die whole. so many hussle in a relationship,SO TRUE!

  • for all single,don't get married, and for married who is not so happy, there's so many people get divorce and it is legal!!! it's an adult thing.
    I'm married to myself,that's a promise for myself, I am more free. I am not giving any chance to others who wants to marry me,that's final. hate me if you want but i hate you more! :P

  • that's right! more single are happy than being a relationship is not always the right answer for being happy or mending your heart! get out of that relationship! don't be stupid and pretend that you are happy in front of your children,just take them with you! every single minute in a relationship is not always happiness! most of the time are just for the children to stay in a relationship and look perfect for others to see you whole outside,but inside you are not true! divorce is legal,rather than cheating on your husband and feel guilty. realize it.

  • Yes, it was and is wrong, don't let anyone tell you different. You are remorsefull and that's good, to repent means to turn away from and to never do it again. God is a mercifull forgiving God, if your sincere and have confessed it to Him then you are forgiven. When and if you decide to tell your husband, please to it after much prayer and then leave the consequences to the Lord.

  • you know martyr people can get killed by loneliness,too lonely for that kind of life,too blind to keep the blinders on. so many people are lonely in a relationship which makes them very sad,it's really hurting inside and looking complete on the outside of your children is apparently draining you from the inside,from that inside is empty. don't pretend you still have a whole perfect family when you feel lonely from inside. It's miserable life. keeping the family as perfect as you want it to be but I look at your heart tearing apart. divorce your husband,be free, you only live once. Life is a gift,open it. be happy single.

  • take your children,then trash your husband. stay single and be happy!

  • poison your husband. next time don't get married. be true,don't be so loyal as if you are having a proud family.

  • mommy and daddy suck big,both fake people to their children, romance is gone. pretending to be happy in front of their children,liars! marriage is just a paper,you are obligated to suck each other d*** or p****,too smelly,its getting old.

  • oh well, I thought I caught a goldfish but I think it's a whale, so heavy. I am married to a whale woman,too s***** to understand, I look like a fish stick. I was hopeless when I went out to the sea fishing. f*** this!

  • Really should you? You have a sexual problem in your marriage, you acted on it. Your human lady thats all, your are far from being the first or last to reach outside of the marriage for some sexual healing. Just never let feelings become part of it and protect the health. But do try and fix the problem you and your husband have. There is a song from time pass about a couple meeeting all over again through a ad they put in the paper. Its a cute little song but also shows that you forget how to have fun and please each other over time.

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