I'm a Horrible Person
I got married 5 days after turning 20. We've been married almost 14 years now. We've had our fair share of problems, but always have promised each other we'd work through them. It's just to a point now where there's no romance. There's nothing, really. He teases me just like he's my big brother, then expects me to be turned on when having s** with him. It's just BLAH. Married to a friend. I'd rather be single, to be honest with you.
We have two wonderful, gorgeous children. They adore their mommy and daddy so much and love us together. I feel OK doing anything to keep my babies happy. If it's their worst nightmare to have their parents divorce, then I will not divorce my husband. If he hurt them in any way, of course, he'd be gone in a heartbeat.
I've always had a wandering eye and thoughts about other men on and off throughout our marriage. My husband is the only person I've ever had s** with, so I've always been curious about what it's like with someone else. It never EVER crossed my mind that I would ever act on anything, though.
I've been hit on before and had chances to cheat, but always put the blinders on, resisted temptation, and stayed faithful to my husband. I feel like he does trust me, and I trust him completely, too.
So, this guy added me on his Facebook friends a month ago. I noticed we like the same things, and he found me on a radio station page. Here's the thing: he's about 9 years younger and single. We didn't really talk at first.
A few weeks ago, he wrote that he thought I was cute, too bad I was married or he'd flirt with me, blah, blah, blah. I admitted I thought he was really cute, too, then we began talking and texting every day. He really turned me on.
He dove right into the s** talk, and got really aggressive about wanting to meet me. I was having fun sexting him, but I never dreamed it would actually lead to meeting him. I tried to make excuses not to meet him.
He got my guard down, talking about how he's a grown man, wanted to be friends no matter what happened, that he'd be respectful, that he knew how much I was facing by meeting him, yadda yadda.
A couple weeks passed, and he insisted that we meet one Friday, so I said, "Fine," still not really thinking it was going to happen!
So last Thursday night, he texted me that he wanted to come f**k me right away. He got me excited, so I agreed to meet him somewhere. I was terrified, realizing what I was gambling for a little bit of fun.
I was talking myself out of it until the last minute, and then I just decided to go. We met, and I got out of my car and into his truck. I was paralyzed with fear-literally numb over most of my body. I couldn't even talk.
I was actually a little scared of him and wanted to run away. We made a little small talk, then he started kissing my neck. Well, that did it for me. I just grabbed the back of his neck and started making out with him. He grabbed my b**** and we kissed some more.
It was really erotic because he took total control. He just came to my side of the car, pushed my seat back, opened my shirt, lifted my bra up, and got my pants and panties off.
He was just on top of me suddenly, and like that, we were f***ing. I was saying, "OMG, OMG, OMG," over and over because I was horrified but excited at the same time. He was really good.
It was cool, because we were talking and stuff between some severely hot kisses. It was kind of relaxed. He really shocked me, though, when he ripped off the condom in the middle of it.
I was mad and scared, but still didn't do anything to stop him. I told him not to c*m in me, so he didn't, but I know prec*m has sperm in it and can get a girl pregnant. So, I'm a little scared about that.
Afterwards, we talked a little and left. I was left kind of wanting more of that. I couldn't sleep because I was so turned on. That went on for a few days.
He's blowing me off now, which doesn't shock me at all. I expected nothing from him, so I'm not disappointed. He pursued me pretty viciously, so he was after me from Day One. I could've taken or left him!
Now, I'm left to deal with what I did, though. I have nobody I could tell. I've always been a faithful wife and devoted mom. I always tried to do the right thing, not what everyone is else was doing. I've always been sort of uptight and reserved. It's not like me to do this at all.
But, I fell into the trap. All because of my curiosity. I totally regret it. I'm dying to just tell my husband what I did, and just deal with what comes after the confession.
I know what I did was wrong, that adultery is a huge sin, so I don't need to be told that at all. I'm just looking for a place to vent. Yes, I'm remorseful. Yes, I'm repentant. Lesson learned: keep the blinders on.