Where do I stand.

I'm falling apart. School no longer obligies me. I haven't been in over two weeks. I've taken the car. Twice. I've gone and met up with a boy who changed my life at 5 am on a school night. He laid with me in my bed, we ditched school together. He parked my dads truck so he wouldn't notice. I had my first kiss, so perfect so ideal. I laid down beneath the starts never beliving in true romance. I guess Rhys what happends when your molested at a young age. Taking showers with your father. Fingered by your baby sitters. Eaten out by you next store nabor. Touched by your friends. Maybe this is why I can be straight and make out with a girl and no give two f****. Maybe this is why I brake down and lose myself. Trust is pain. Would my bestfriend chose me over a guy.. Would I? Where am I now. Who is listining. A mother a brother who show you cruel love that will never make since. I go on because why not. What I this is all I have. Maybe I can do whatever it is I want. Because why not. I only live here in this body, until I die. And then what. I've been mental insatuited choked into a wall. Have border line personality disorder post tramatic stress disorder anixity. I push on. Because I can. Because I don't care. I love my family, friends, god. I am just lost. Tired. I can ever sleep. Insomnia. Nocturnal. The darkness seems to suck you in. I forgive and forget. I apologise. I am who I am. I am this here.

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