The past lives on

I've helped about 11 people last year, through emotional, physical, and mental issues. I helped get kids off of extacy, stoped them from huffing, drinking, cutting, and ive prevented an atempted suicide.

I've allways been there for everyone, their own guardian angel, but ive never told them about myself. I was abused by my alcoholic mother when I was younger, she used to get violent at times and i still have scars on my arms because of her. I never looked up to anyone in my life because my dad was gone on business and my older brother was addicted to drugs. I used to come home from school every day crying because of the kids who made fun of me, called me retarded, a freak, that i'll never ammount to anything. I was in the special ed department when i was younger, the teachers treated us like monsters, we were "gods way of punishing the earth'. I dont believe in a god..

I used to run to my room when my mom yelled, in 4th grade i was so upset, i didnt know what to do. I tore at the skin on my knee till my blood ran onto the carpet, i still remember where the stains were.

I just turned 17, and I am diagnosed with flashback halucinosis. (The reliving of traumatic memorys) In 6th grade I started a new life in a new school, same town. I am friends with so many people, yet i cant forget my past. I have had urges to tear at my knee again, but i've held it together for 10 years. Ive been trying to get into a relationship to cope with my illness, and ive been rejected by 15 different girls. I have never insulted a girl, and i dont ever plan on drinking, i respect everyone and i try to be friends with everyone.

Ive been slipping back into deppression again, and i dont know what to do...


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  • I love you.

    Life is full of injustice, stupidity, harsh realities, and garbage. But it is also full of beauty, positive experiences, love, and happiness.

    Keep doing what you feel is good and right, try to become confident in yourself and [when you KNOW you are the best person you can be, even when that person is not like anyone else and you can know that in spite of the things people who know little to nothing about you would tell you about yourself], the love will follow.

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