My Biggest Fear.....

Is that people will find out that I self-injure.
What started as a bad-habit I learned from a friend became an addiction that has ruined my body and makes me secretive to the enth degree.
I have cut, scratched, and burned myself with things most people didn't even know could be used for self-harm.
This secret habit mortifies me and makes me ashamed of myself.
The worst part is that everyone who knows me thinks I'm the most stable, normal person they know.

I'm terrified to ask for help for fear that everyone will think I am a weak person, or someone who's trying to get attention.
I always tell myself to stop and then the next time I feel overwhelmed, I do it again.
I have a 2nd degree burn on my wrist right now and every time I look at it, I feel ashamed to no end.

I'm sorry for letting them all down.

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  • There is nothing to be ashamed of. Call a hot line whenever attempting this. And seek help from other programs available near you or via whatever means. You are in a slippery slope, and who knows when you might fall. Have you seen this ( there were more guests that day. I watched it and it changed my life forever. Now even the mere thought of that makes me think of that show.

    This may not change your situation, but really think of where you want this to end. And think realistically too. If you hurt yourself to the point of no return, that's it. No more chances, you are dead. Look, doesn't it intrigue you or even picks at your curiosity that for the most part, life gets better as we age. And I'm not talking economically, although it does; I'm talking about how your heart becomes stronger, your experiences become richer, problems will seem smaller and more manageable as you age. Life gets so much better and easier, if you come out of the mental anguish and physical pain you are putting your body through. It does get better! I wish I could have told that to my 14yr old friend, or to my early 20 something self. I might not have the amount of scars you have, you see mine were not self inflicted. But I survive and you can too. Please just take a meaningful first step, it doesn't matter if you fall back. Don't punish yourself for it. Continue to stay cut free and take control back by putting those feelings into something else. It could be constructive or it could just be an activity (like punching a bag in the gym). Whatever it be, let it be less harming than this, meanwhile you are figuring out your underlying feelings and mental state of mind.

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