Why stay? Because I obviously hate myself to much to go.
We have been together since i was 16. Married shortly after my sixteenth birthday actually. I loved you like none other.We had our first son when i was 17, second a 19, and our little girl a short while after my 21st birthday. I loved you. I loved you with my entire being. I love you more than i ever loved me. I think i always have. You cheated on me the first time a few months after we were married. It continued that way over and over... woman after woman and i always forgave you. Last summer you had an affair with a woman at your job. You two gave me herpes. I forgave you yet again after months of fights and more crying than i have ever done in my life. I find myself now hating you as much as i love you and its very conflicting. While on one hand i can not see my life without you. I can not sleep without you, can not think without you, and in the same breath i can not stand you. I hate to look at you, hate to kiss you, hate to touch you. Your are contaminated with my hate and i cant see anything else in your eyes. I can get off when we have s**. I have not been able to in years without fantasizing myself some where other than with you. I cant find the courage to cheat and the one time i almost did i was diagnosed with herpes weeks later. I was infatuated in him and now i cant stop thinking about his kiss or the way it felt in his arms. None if it was real with him either which is why i could never sleep with him although my body wanted it more than anything else.
Now i look at you every day and hate you. Im sure your cheating again which hurts again but i cant stop hating you enough to muster the "care" to ask.
Why is it that i can pick myself up out of the dirt and leave? I love you and hate you are the very same time. Bittersweet.... Your going to be the death of me....