Feel awful

I'm an 18 year old guy and i just had s** with a guy that i'm convinced i'm in love with. the title that you see is because he isn't gay (or says he isn't) and the biggie...he has a girlfriend. i started having feelings for him a year and a half ago, before i even knew he was gay or bi or whatever. since the feelings started i've been trying to get over him. desperatly trying just nothing worked. then of course i found out that he had had something with another guy and my heart shot up. we started talking and flirting and getting pretty into it, but he would always say that he wasn't gay but still wanted to sleep with me.it made me miserable, i tried but every time he txted me it would get me excited, just thinking of him made me happy and trying to get over him made me miserable, even though he has physically said that nothing can happen. i keep trying to tell myself that i slept with him to try and change his mind about me, or spur some kind of attraction to me, but i'm terrified that i might of just done this to get closer to him even though he's in a committed relationship which a lovely girl who's life i may of just ruined along with his. no one knows that he dosen't mind guys so i can't tell anyone else, i never would anyway because outing him would be the worst outcome, but i just wished that he felt something, anything for me. anyway now i feel terrible, that i may of hurt to good people just makes me feel terrible and it may sound silly but it wasn't the best way i pictured losing my virginity and definately not as romantic.

im sorry i don't know if this is too long or too serious for this kind if site, i just needed to let it out. i don't know how you'll feel reading this, angry at the basic fact of waht i've done (i'd agree with you), sympatheitc (god i feel arrogant and selfish even typing that), you may laugh at the fact that its pathetic h*** i don't mind your reactions are your own. but any advice to anyone considering doing something like this...it destroys you and any hurt this causes them will just make it worse, i almost hope they find comfort in hating me for what i've done, that might prove to help the pain

Apr 28, 2011

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