The Ultimatum

She has no idea that in a couple of months, I am giving her the "Marriage Ultimatum". It's been 5.5 long years. There have been awesome times and horrible times. We have a beautiful child together. I was recently baptized and I have looked at a lot of things differently. It didn't help that the sermon on the day I was baptized was talking about Cohabitation before marriage. I'm truly trying to get my spiritual life together and walk closer with GOD, not only for myself, but for our relationship, for us, for our child. We had a long discussion/argument after Church that day. It has made me realize one thing, if you don't know you love me enough to marry me, why should I stay? I'm not marrying her b/c we had a child, would have done that several months ago, after we found out she was pregnant. I'm technically not wanting to marry her b/c of what my pastor spoke about, although it is playing a huge role. I want to marry her b/c I love her beyond belief. Even with all her flaws, all our arguing, all our bickering, all our fun times, she is the one for me. I see myself not happy with anyone else. We both have full time jobs, mine more physically demanding, but I come home and do all the housework. It's been like that since early on, but i have gotten semi use to it. It still drives me up the wall, but I have come to expect it. Anywho, it's come to the "ultimatum". She yes, we'll get a dress, say no, I gotta go. I can be just as an effective father with or without her. It sucks, that's not how I wanted things to go, but I have no choice. After 5-6 years, you should know.

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  • Thank you to the posters. Hi, original poster here. I will say to the one who says a big wedding is important to women, I understand that and respect that. I only problem with that there are some women who don't understand that even though you want a big wedding, things don't always work that way. You have to be logical about these things. Yes, maybe years down the road we can do the dream wedding but a lot of women don't like that idea of waiting for it. Anywho, it's all null and void now. We are already breaking up. She's doesnt want to be in this relationship but feels conflicted. I told her, if you don't want to be here, I don't want her here. She keeps acting like we are going to get comfortable and stay together but I have already got the ball rolling for my new apartment. I hate that this is the outcome but GOD must be telling me this is not where HE wants me and that I have not found my soul mate yet. Thanks again everyone. Time to move on and learn from my mistakes.

  • It's important that you two are on the same page. And if she doesn't want to get married and you do..sort of hard to make that compromise. She can't go into the idea of a marriage, and think that it will end divorce. She's planning the end, before anything has begun. But that's her. But she has to know, that if you want to get married and she doesn't that she may lose you. Ask her and when she says yes, SET A FIRM DATE! You can only plan a wedding that you can actually afford. A perfect wedding is when the people you love surround you. It's not about how much money you spent. A beautiful wedding can be done on a budget. If she's using money and a big dream wedding as the reason why she doesn't want to, it could just be another excuse. Wishing you all the luck that it works out for the best for you two. Counseling may also out some of the issues.

  • hey why dont you suggest to her getting married and then having the big celebratory party later on in life when you can give her the wedding of her dreams? tell her you love her too much to live another day not knowing shes your wife, and you promise that it will be a goal to have a party by your 10th wedding anniversary (or earlier, whatever) where she gets the wedding party she always deserved. it really really is a big deal to women, please try to understand and respect that.

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