What?

I talked to one of my exes the other day and I asked her what it was that caused her to break up with me. I'm not trying to get her back, just trying to figure out if I made any past mistakes to improve in the future. She told me that her problem with me was that I was the kind of guy she wants to marry and that scared her. This just leaves me more confused. If I'm the kind of guy she wants to marry, why the heck am I not dateable? And why is it that a "bad boy" with a shady past and no future is more desirable than me when I'm good looking, genuinely care about the women I date, and have a high powered career with a great future?

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29 Comments

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  • This goes both ways--both men and women can be afraid of commitment and even being loved, strangely enough. I'm happily married now (32 female), but when I was younger I was in some abusive relationships, which became the norm. Being with people who were good to me seemed so foreign that it freaked me out. I didn't think I deserved to be treated well. Gradually, I was able to get over this issue and gravitate towards the light.

    You sound like a great catch for someone. You will find your gem soon enough.

  • All too common..I dated a very hot, beautiful woman for months, we did well together..Very, in fact...Then she started pulling away and doing things that made me do the same. I later found out she thought we were "too good" together, and she was getting afraid of that, of success in an actual, decent relationship.

    She has many guy friends, as I have many female friends (which always made her mad..yet, she could have tons of guy friends who hit on her), and most of them are the dirtball "bad boy" types. I have a degree, my own business, and genuinely cared about her (still do), as opposed to these grungy, jobless or third-shifters with the overgrown beards, bikes, and lack of respect. It's my/our own fault for being decent, upstanding guys.

  • I find that such odd behavior. Too good together? What does that even mean?

  • I know, right! lol

  • I think there's a problem in our society. Increasingly people are encouraged to look down on commitment and stability in relationships. Men are looked down on for loving one woman and being committed to her, while women are increasingly taught that being empowered and strong means never committing to a man. I'm not going to condemn men or women who have one night stands and enjoy them, but the increasing derisiveness with which committed relationships are viewed is disturbing.

  • Good point made.

  • I understand that some people may be scared of relationships but I never understand passing on a good thing out of fear.

  • True. Me neither.

    In life there's no guarantees with anything. But that doesn't mean, anyone should be fearful of embracing good things in their life and/or being happy.

    It's a weird one really.

  • I don't understand individuals like that. When a relationship is going good, it's great! It should be embraced, that's what my man and I do :-)

    Some individuals are fools. And with the friend's situation, what was your ex's concerns? Did she have trust issues and reservations about something transpiring, between you and one of your friend's? -
    I only have male friends as that's my preference and my man has female friends predominantly/with a few male friends as well - And I don't have any concerns with that, why would I lol

    Seems like your ex had trust issues, as well relationship phobias. Seems like you're better off without her.

    I hope you find something special who embraces and knows a good thing, when she has it.

  • Meant someone, not something :-)

  • My wife just seems to be looking for reasons to dislike me. Most recent was last night when she said that I wanted too much s**. A year or so ago we both read a book called the s** diaries so I said well how did my s** drive line up with others as we read in that book. we are talking once a week here and she said it was normal. So I'm wanting the normal amount of s** and that makes me 'sick'? F***!

  • I feel for you

  • Sorry, but sometimes having s** is a chore for some partners. Sometimes life and situations just get in the way and people are too tired for s**.

    Once a week for couples who have busy life styles, seems sufficient. But I'm not a expert and only basing it on my personal views/personal experiences.

    I have a busy lifestyle and so does my partner. So we try to have a date night once or twice a week if we can and we get it on then. It's hard to feel sexy and get in the mood for s** when you work 4-5 12hr shift days.

    My partner feels the same as well. So in my particular situation, its not just from my perspective - but my man's perspective too. We're the best of friend's and discuss everything and anything, which is a bonus.
    He would tell me if he want's more and vise versa, its part of our relationship dynamic to be honest about our feelings and desires etc.

  • Its really funny how women complain that guys treat them like crap but continue to keep dating those same guys.

  • Some women might, not "all" women.
    And some woman aren't into guys, so that assumption doesn't account for the majority of women. Just like some guys straight or not, may mistreat their partners and vise versa. It's individualistic and not related to gender.

  • Wow! Sorry I didn't break it down to every single subset of women. It was meant in a broad term pertaining to the OP's post. So to make YOU happy not all woman, some women like other women , some women don't like anyone , some women only like nice guys , some women like both bad boys and good guys the list goes on and on. Oh and lets not forget theses apply to men as well. I hope that is PC enough for you.

  • You don't need to be defensive. I was simply conveying my opinion, like you conveyed yours. Everyone is entitled to do so.

    But thank you for the clarified corrections you've made, as you don't want some people misconstruing what you've stated, thinking you're stereotyping and labelling that "all women" are the same as each other, just because of stereotypes.

    Thanks again and I hope you have a blessed day.

  • Personally I don't care who misunderstands my simple post on a confession sight that I visit just to kill time. If what I said offended anyone ,oh well, they can be offended. I was just responding to you being another one of the SJW PC police that spend their day pointing out how offended everyone is by everything. You must truly be the most unhappy group of people out there, if ever little thing offends you. My suggestion is lighten up and get over yourself.

  • Lol Quite the contrary really, I love to take the p*** and have a laugh. But thank you for the advice, it wasn't necessary. But thank you, I really don't appreciate it lol jokes man! :)

  • In my experience it's because the guys who treat them like crap are the ones that make a move. Far too often the "nice guy" finishes last because he never makes a move. There's a balance where you have to be confident and almost cocky but still a gentleman.

  • It's a shame really, because some nice guys don't always come last. My partner is the nicest guy I've ever met and that personal quality of his, is what I find most attractive. He's a rare breed and I love him for it.

    All the straight nice guys out there who are looking for life partner's;
    don't assume the majority of women are into bad guys, just because you may have encountered a minority of them that are. Treat each person individually and one day you'll find a partner who deserves you.

    Stereotyping and generalising is a nasty habit.

    Good luck

  • There's being a nice guy and then there's being a "nice guy". The "nice guy" lets a woman walk all over him and goes along with everything she says, believing that earning gratitude will lead to a relationship. A nice guy who is also confident treats a woman well but doesn't let himself be taken advantage of.

  • That could be said for people in general, as well

  • Indeed it is. Everyone should be looked at as an individual

  • I agree wholeheartedly.

  • Some women are idiots. Don't worry about it. One day you'll find that special person, that's not afraid of commitment.

  • The irony is that it's always men who are stereotyped as afraid of commitment. It goes both ways apparently.

  • I treat everyone I meet individually. So I don't pay attention to stereotypes

  • I agree

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