I can't do it anymore

I just can't do it anymore, I can't do life anymore. I keep failing at everything. Since I've been fat as far as I can remember, I know not to expect a lot and I've learn to deal with the name calling, dirty looks, and general disgust by society but it still hurts. And now because I'm so fat I've learned that I probably have polycystic ovarian syndrome or whatever and that's why I'm 16 and haven't had my period. On top of all that, I have to accept the fact that no guy is ever going to like me as more than a friend, I'm the girl you laugh at not the one you love. On top of that I didn't even get into AP Global so now my future is probably on top of that, and I really just don't see a reason to live anymore. And I know that that's selfish and I should live for my family but I really hate waking up in the morning to know that it's just going to be another day full of disappointments that I know are inevitably my fault. But the absolute worst part about me is that I want to die but I'm too much of a wimp to actually go through with it so I cut myself instead. I just feel like a worthless freak that's taking up space and I hate it. I hate that I have to vent to a website because I haven't really talked to my friends in weeks and even if I did they could never understand and my mom would just think that I'm weak and overreacting, which would probably be right but that doesn't exactly stop me from me wanting to kill myself.

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  • Hey Sweetheart, I know what you're going through. When I was 16, I was huge with a mother who kept me friendless and a perfectionist father who was distant and judgemental. It got so bad that I cut on myself and tried to kill myself in a halfarsed pill gulping effort. Life sucked badly and I still wanted to kill myself. Somehow, I made it past 18 and things started getting better. I moved away from those f****** I called mom and dad and I used all that pent up anger to improve myself everyday. Now I'm in my 30s, I've almost married the girl of my dreams and things are pretty f****** good. If you can do it kiddo, hold off on killing yourself at least until your mid-twenties. It can't rain all the time. P.S.- Crystal Meth is a really good way to lose weight just in case you're wondering how I lost the weight. But you also lose teeth. Just throwing it out there.

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