Former therapist as soul mate

I've been married to a good man for 11 years whom I love dearly -- but I think I may be *in love* with my former therapist of 8 years from 15 years ago, and I think he might be able to be/is already in love with me.

I don't plan to do anything about this, other than perhaps one day to lay my feelings on the table with my former therapist and tell him I believe he feels the same way --> acknowledgment is important.

We have both have long-standing relationships of 11 years with other peoole, and we're both principled ... but you know, sometimes you fantasize about ... what if you weren't?

(Well, if we weren't, then the lure and attraction wouldn't be so intense! Duh. My husband is a good man, and I honestly don't think I'd hurt him, even for the sake of a soul mate ... yes, he matters that much to me.)

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  • There's a lot of maybes and mightbes in this scenario. You shared a lot with this person, that something would develop for you. But it may not be what you think. Was this reciprocal? Did he share with you? Did conversations go outside of office sessions? I do agree with the comment that this is highly unprofessional. Read this article on line about this same situation:

  • Nope, he was entirely professional and ethical. I'm talking in the 15 years since therapy, not the 8 years *of* therapy. We did discuss transference issues during, as appropriate.

  • The problem with this ancient and entirely Freudian view of the therapeutic relationship lies in the fact that, training or not, therapists, are, surprisingly, still human beings. It is quite possible that a therapist and a client might connect beyond the Freudian theory that no therapy can occur without transference.

    All forms of love involve some degree of transference. It is NOT necessarily highly unprofessional to go outside the lying-on-the-couch-free-associating to a blank slate. That, again is pure Freud, and pure bullshit Freud. Go back to Viennna. Freud had a number of "dual" relationships. Good god, he analyzed his own daughter.

    To say that you and your therapist might connect on some other level is not absurd. Do you need to be careful, of course. But it cannot be true that all therapis/client relationships are by definition destructive to the client. They might be more destructive to the therapist. Or they might be great. Or they might devolve in something that just doesn't work in theend, like a lot of relationships.

  • If what you say is true, your therapist has issues of his own. A relationship with a patient or former patient is highly unprofessional.

  • And that's one reason why we *don't* have a relationship, even 15 years after therapy terminated. The other, of course, is that we're committed to other people whom we love and respect.

    Feelings are one thing, actions are another.

  • OK, but he apparently has given you reason to believe there is something between the two of you, or could be. Or, you may be completely wrong about that. As far as feelings and actions, you are on a collision course with action. Laying out your feelings for him are an invitation, not a confession.

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