I think I'm ready

I've hid this from my family for almost two years and I think I'm ready for this to end. I haven't been to the doctors yet to confirm it but I'm ready to do it soon. No one knows about this, I do my best to hide it with a smile, I thought it would pass but it's gotten worse. My low self-esteem, me wanting to fit into the world,, no friends to talk to, rejection from the guys that stole my heart, and seeing everyone else with someone who gives love to them has brought this on but no one knows it affected me so much. I hate feeling tired and sad all the time, I cry almost everyday, I never feel happy but I'll NEVER kill myself.

I'm ready to go to the doctors and seek help. I want to cure my chronic depression WITHOUT medication. I'm ready to fight but something is still holding me back.........

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