What is wrong with me?!
Throughout my romantic life i have been involved with many men and women, all of whom have meant nothing, and most of whom i have run away from, or shut out of my life. one of my ex-bf's had to wait 3 months for the opportunity to hold my hand in public. i am dramatic, restless young woman, with a high s** drive, and little interest in relationships. the moment i get into one, i cannot wait to get out- they honestly depress me, i find myself crying at night because i am so unhappy, and feel so trapped! i find tiny things to annoy me, blow them way out of proportion to end things, and if that doesn't work, i cheat, until they finally leave...when i am left to end it, i have left the area, changed my number, sent a text, one way or the other, totally cutting them out of my life. and when it's over, i feel relieved, i never look back...well not for a year or two, then suddenly out of nowhere i start feeling guilty, get in contact in an attempt to reconcile, apologize, perhaps sleep with them again, and truly end it.
the problem is, now, i am sick of it. i am ready for a relationship, but i don't know if i should even consider getting involved, i don't know how to escape from the destructive pattern, or where it even comes from. i have never loved any man/woman, but i care very much for family and friends, so i am not a heartless cow...just to those i am involved with romantically....
i just don't know what i should do.