I'm Sorry

Dear M, I loved you too much. So much that this "love" for you turned into obsession. I wanted to be a part of your life, I wanted you to be a part of my life.

At some points I actually wanted to have your life, to be you.

So I tried to find out everything about you, and at a very bad point in my life I tried to access all your stuff on the interweb. This undoubtedly freaked you out and made you think I'm a total creep. Just know that I didn't mean to hurt you. I just have a lot of problems.

The timing of our contact was all Romeo and Juliet. I was way too quick to think you were outright ignoring me, and even if you were I definitely deserved it. And I deserve it now.

Last night I dreamed we had a place together, and we made out and cuddled with each other. I guess that's why they're called dreams. I remember you telling me about dreams you had of violence towards people. Please don't hurt me or waste your time trying to track me down or anything like that. You're too good of a person for that.

I'll never forget you, but I've forced myself to stop trying to contact you. I know you don't want anything to do with me anyway. I've kept busy; I own my own lawn service business now and that's pretty much all I focus on throughout the day. At night I try to sleep and usually think about how I could f*** up something so bad.

Like the title of this post says, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I hope that the memories you keep of me (I don't think we can truly "erase" people from our lives) are good ones.

Love always,
(your lab partner) - C

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