I've been dead awhile now. Emotionally. Mentally. I've never been the same after 8th grade. I guess it's what happened to me. The memories never go away. They're always their haunting me. Why can't I just die like I'm supposed to? It's so useless. People don't see my pain, because I don't show them. But still, I wonder how they don't notice the difference. The difference in the way I smile. In the way I laugh. I'm gonna be a junior now. And they all say , but you have so much ahead of you! You're still young ! But they don't seem to fathom, that I may be here physically, but I'm already gone. I want help, I really do. I'm even seeing a shrink. After the sessions I'd feel at ease for a couple hours. Maybe even a whole day.
Until my memories come back to haunt me. Echoing in the back of my mind. Like a broken record. I want it to stop. I want to forget. But I'm scarred by these memories. Whenever I think I'm happy and doing well, I remember.
I wish someone would just kill me already. I wish someone would just put this all to an end.
But no one comes. No one ever comes.