One last day

If I had one last day to talk to you, before everything happened. I'd go back and tell you how much you meant to me. That even though your words cut like a burning blade I can't stop wishing you were still here with me. I wish I had a moment to tell you about the place they were going to send me back to, to let you know why i did what I did that night. I didn't mean to hurt you. Didn't mean to hurt you. Didn't mean to. I get that you won't ever understand the complexities of the situation, on the thoughts that where provoking a sick hatred inside me. I couldn't get away, couldnt free myself, I understand that you had your thing going on with you. You where dying on the inside, killing a part of you that I swear I only knew existed. Tonight, I only have one wish. I wish you would speak to me one last time before I do what I'm about to do. I don't know how long it will take for the message to go down the line, to reach you. I have something for you, I wish I could give it to you in person. But I can't. I'll never see what's outside my walls again, I always promised you one thing. I wouldn't come back here, and if I did you know what I would do. You know. Your the only one that will ever know. I want to write you, but I can't not without them reading it. Not without them knowing. I dreamed about you last night, about last summer when I painted my room. I can't hold myself together. Do you remember the meal I made us. Don't ask me why, I just scoffed to my self in fact. But that memory of you one the line when I painted my wall, with the summer breeze coming in my window..? I'd give anything just to live in that moment again. It was perfect. I haven't been that happy in a long time. Haven't smiled or laughed in over six months. S***. I'm sorry. I hope that you can forgive me for all I've done. But you'll never know, I loved you. Still do

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