Never felt so lonely

My parents and I drove to another state today for a day trip. What they didn't know is that throughout the whole journey, I was crying in silence every now and then at the back seat.

I don't know why but almost every song on the radio these days is about heartbreak. These songs to me used to be just songs that were nice to sing along to or just (musically) good songs. But now it aches that I understand every word sang to me.

I don't know what's going on with my "relationship" with my boyfriend (or ex-boyfriend) right now. He starts acting weird and I asked him what's wrong. I guess I shouldn't have. Would he have said what he did if I had just left it the way it was and kept going on like "normal"? Just one day, he says, "I don't love you the same anymore". And it HURTS SO MUCH because I just didn't see it coming. Or did I? I'm not sure. I certainly did not expect this all of the sudden. It's as if he just gave up like that.

My mind is in circles because he didn't give me a specific reason WHY. He just says, "I don't know". "Is it someone else?" "No." Obviously he has a problem with me. And I don't know if I would feel better if I knew what the problem is or if I don't at all.

The worst part of it all is that I've been battling depression for a while now. I haven't exactly told anyone because I guess I think it isn't that bad... yet? I'm not sure. But I'm certainly upset and unmotivated most of the time. And he knows that I'm having a rough time and he leaves me now. What a coward.

So I have nothing left to look forward to, my life is a mess and I really don't know what to do. I hate not knowing what to do.

A part of me is saying, "Get him back" but another part of me says, "It's not going to work anyway."

I'm just really confused and shocked that he just dropped it all off just like that.

How can someone be so loving one day and not the next?
I just don't understand and it hurts so much.

I have no one to talk to, no friends that can comfort me.
I feel so alone and it hurts so so so much.

2 Comments

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  • Dear melissa, shut up as a counselor and listen more. you have not listened to my needs about needing a s** life and romance and dating. I need it my way which is not as a restricted thinking as yours. I need a interest and to meet people and a young man is right for me. My parents are not going mental or dying and nor am I in the next 5 years and I don't think you need to say that to your clients who come about rape. You don't listen. You wanted me doing baby baskets and I did that years ago and got no thanks for it. You wanted me knitting and I am not a granny yet. You want me doing things that are not me. You never ask what I want to do. Your so passive aggressive over the last 12 months. what has made you such a b****? I told you I wanted to lose weight and you help the other women and yourself but not me and then you tell me I shouldn't worry about my looks and its more about me not loving myself enough and I don't think I am worth it? have you been listening? what is going on in that mental old granny head of yours at that gym with s***, dear mrs macbarf!

  • There's no way of knowing what your ex's problem was so you may as well accept that it's HIS problem and that it has nothing to do with you. YOUR problem is your depression. That's the only thing you can do anything about anyway so focus on yourself. Once YOU are doing better you'll have more room in your life for a boyfriend and you can find someone MUCH better than your flaky ex.

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