I don't love her anymore...

I don't love my girlfriend of 20 months anymore.
The worst thing about my sistuation is, she's 8 months pregnant.
The last time I tried to break up with her, she threatened to kill herself. She actually took a butchers knife out of the drawer and pressed it firmly against her 4 week pregnant belly.
When I tried to get the knife off of her, she swung for me with it.
I got it off of her eventually.

I feel like Im being imprisoned in this relationship.
If I tell her how I truely feel, she makes threats against herself.

I feel like I'm only with her at the moment in order to ensure that the child is born and gets a chance to live. I feel that if I break up with her now, we will have an even worse off situation to that of the knife incident.

I tried to break up with her but I'm just not strong enough. Im miserable. Im not happy. Im not sexually attracted to her anymore.

And when I come home after a long day of work, I find her voice is the last thing I want to hear.

Don't get me wrong, I care for her. Very deeply. But I don't love her anymore. I just want to be on my own. I'm only 22 and I don't want to be tied down from now on until the rest of my life.

She wants an engagement ring, but I don't want to buy it. I don't even believe in marriage.

I just want out. Im miserable, sad, lonely, stressed and tired.

I moved about 70 miles from my hometown for her (when I loved her). I just want to move back to my hometown where my friends are. I don't have any friends down here.
I work 40 hours a week and then I just go home and clean the house, make the dinner, etc.
I need a break. A long one. Before I snap.

I don't cry very often, but I'm welling up as I write this.
I really need advice on what to do. I just want out. I want to be free and be me again. I know I can't because Im about to have a son but I can still live happily outside of our relationship and be involved with my son.

please.

12 Comments

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  • I would try to get custody of the baby and leave her. If she is threatening to kill herself while pregnant and going so far as to hold a knife against the baby like that, she shouldn't be left with that same baby.

  • This is a tricky issue. I agree with previous posts that the child is most important, but even if you do get custody once the child is born that will add to your GF's mental state plus the fact that you are leaving her, the possibility is always there that she might kill herself. When this happens although is not your fault, the guilt will stay with you your entire life plus you have to explain to your child someday what happened to its mom. So this is what I think. She loves you deeply, to the point hat she wants to kill herself and the baby if you leave her. So this is a extreme obsession. So I think the only solution is to somehow "break" that love she has for you. Start being a complete a******, irritate her, embarrass her in public, do things to press her buttons, dont keep to promises, get bad breath, go out drinking with buddies till late at night... often!, I can go on with this list.. but do whatever it takes to get her to tell you to take your bags and go. Love is a funny thing, it cant be put off like a switch, it takes time to loose that feeling. Get her to feel the way you feel "that your voice is the last thing she wants to hear". She will tell you to go, she will find someone else to obsess over, you can go back to being a decent person, and all my money will be on you to win the custody case

  • I feel sorry for both of you but she's super wrong to do this to you. Tell her that you will always help her with your child, if you want you can even tell her that you will take custody. This is not fair for you to have to live with her like that. I feel sad for her because she loves you, but if you dont love her there is no point to live together.

  • What a truly difficult situation for everyone involved. Your girlfriend needs help. Totally can understand that it would deeply stressful to be carrying a child and then find out that the man your with no longer wants to be with you. Marriage is not the answer in this case. Definitely, wait until your child is born. Agree with other commenter about speaking with a lawyer about custodial rights. Your girlfriend needs to understand that threatening suicide is not the answer. Contacting her parents and police the next time she threatens, but not sure what they can give her while she's pregnant. It may exasperate the situation. But those close to you, need to be aware of this behavior. That child should not be raised in a home where the parents are forced to marry or even a mother or threatens her own life, or that of her child's. Tell your friends and family your situation, and maybe something can be worked out. Next time you find a girlfriend, you may want to invest in some heavy duty birth control and condoms.

  • i dont know if youve ever heard the hopeline radio show but i think dawson could help you a lot. ill give you my advice but if you want another opinion i would call him. is on sunday nights from ten to midnight. i forget the number but the website is thehopeline.com. but anyways. wheever someone calls in dawson always says think of the child first. you have a tiny baby son on the way. do not break up with her before this baby is born. its only one more month. make sure to talk to a lawyer to get custody o this child or at least out of your gfs house. if you break up with her after and she decides to take to the knife you dont want your son there. i wish you look and just remember smile, hope, believe and it will all be okay (:

  • You have to make a decision on your own. You are the only one who can do that; be strong in any case and always take care of your child; it is not his fault that he is arriving in this world. He is your responsibility and nobody else.

    If I would be in your situation I would go and see a lawyer and get advice; be happy, life has its ups and downs.

    My husband beats me and I do not know what to do because of my child, so I stay but I am hoping one day I am out of this marriage and stop being treated like this. This sucks.

  • Great way to raise a child, to allow your husband to beat you and not do anything about it. You sound just like my mother and I hate her for allowing abuse to go on for years.

  • To give you more details he beats me because I have opinions. I would really appreciate, if you tell me what would you have liked your mother do; your input is greatly appreciated, since I do not want to be hated by my child. Please tell me. Thank you.

  • I'm the one who firstly gave you a reply... and you told me to tell you what I wish my mother would've done. I wish that she would have stood up for herself and left my dad... If he's the only one with an income, find a job and find a different place to live with your child. And put your kid above everything else and show him love and show him that you're there for him and that you'll make him/her happy and that you wont allow anyone to hurt him/her. My mother didnt even try to do that, but you should if you love your kid.

  • Thank you so much; I hope you are surrounded by love, and if not please love yourself because you are so worth it.

  • (I didn't write the response that you are responding to..) But here are my thoughts: No child should witness their parents fighting or abusing one another. It's traumatic. You say that your husband beats you because you have opinions? You should have opinions. You should have thoughts and you should be able to express yourself. And he should be able to maturely talk with you about things. He's insecure and has anger issues and he wants control. And his beatdowns leave you will lower self worth so that you actually believe that you can't stand on your own two feet. But you can. You did it before you met him. You need a reason? Look at your child. That should be reason enough to get out of this dead end and dangerous marriage. What you should do is leave with your life and child, today. Go to a friend's or family members house and stay there. Or find a battered women's shelter. And if you don't leave, then call the police when he beats you. Have him arrested, make him go through anger management classes. Divorce him and find a man who knows how to treat a woman. Keep in mind, since the beatings are about control, the most dangerous time in a battered woman's life is when you decide to leave. Because at this point he's lost control. If you say that things are hard if you leave...because you don't have any money etc.. Sounds like staying would be a harder option. Haven't you had enough? There are resources available to you. You must seek them out.

  • Thank you very much for your advice; I want to divorce him now, but he is the one with an income; my child will choose him based on this; I am afraid once I am gone, he will become violent with my child.

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