Some day is just harder than the others.

I couldn't even get up for work today, so I had to call in sick, yes, indeed I'm sick, but not the way my boss think. I ate 4 donuts and ordered lots of McDonald. At first I felt good about the food, then later the guilt came as soon as the food went cold. I tried to threw up, but all I can do is letting out some of the soda and the blood from my throat. And that makes me feel worse, because I was supposed to threw up. I put knife on my wrist, but didn't have the courage to press it hard enough to make some wounds. I hate myself for being such a coward. I don't want to face reality, I don't want to go to work tomorrow, I don't want to see the b**** in the office who attack me behind my back. I even wish I can be hit by some speeding car on the road, so that I can relieved and my family can have some money. God, I'm so messed up......

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  • Please, please, please. You need to go see a professional. Posting here, talking to friends, working on yourself by yourself, calling hotlines? None of that is going to achieve the desired result. You must seek counseling from a legit therapist, and the sooner you begin that process, the better off you'll be. You're in a very dark and dangerous place, and you need to extract yourself from it. Talk to a school counselor (if you're in school), seek out a referral from your family doctor (if you have one), check with your EAP rep at work, visit a social worker who can connect you with a licensed doctor, or just flip through the Yellow Pages or check Internet search engines. Find someone, even if it's not who you ultimately use. Taking the first step will make the next step easier. Just please PLEASE start taking the steps and get help. I'm so sorry you are in such pain, but there is a way out of the dungeon and you can -- and will -- find it.

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