Ugly Indian Mind

I am going to confess my whole life in front of you, being born an indian, discriminated for not being white, with an agony deep within that we were treated slaves just a half century before, i have been inferior in the last 30 years of existence, i always wanted my counry to be given the respect for what it was has been and will be, but i am not yet with a shoulder high enough to say, what w are now, is something that can be respected, for a 30 good things we have the remaining 70 are bad, i am sad about the state, and i know i can help, but being an indian i still feel inferior to head and do that help.

i try to do a good job, i do my best, but i am still scared of my boss, i don't think i should be afraid of my boss. as long as i am not hurting him, but now i think i will hurt him, so as to justify the fear i have.

i am having a wife, who i feel is very faithful to me, i am faithful to her too, to an extent, as not a day goes away without me having lustful thots of other woman, and if i get a chance good enough, i am sure i will sleep with another woman. and before i married i guess i have had more number of s** than what i have had after marriage. i have had so much s**, i don't even remember the names of many of the women i slept with.

I have lost a lot of money, trying to make my friends happy, even today, when i have the green i am the one who spends, but when i don't have the green, i am so scared to ask anyone even the money for food, oh i am not poor, in the country where i live, i guess i earn around 2000 dollars a month, and that's good money here, at least for me.

I have some dreams, but i am still scared deep whether i will be able to acheieve them, i don't know when the rolls will ride up my driveway, but i wish to buy a rolls, and when i say it, people think i can, i don't know whether i can.

finally i think being born an indian is really great, and its only the inferiority we must get done with, other than that everything is fine i believe. i don't know who all will read this, but i hope, some anonymous, will help me understand me.

i love the world and i love you too..

7 Comments

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  • I think our own fear and self-consciousness is our own worst enemy, don't you? I am sure you can set out to achieve all you desire, and that you are a good person. It is hard to be brave in this day and age, but you seem to be carrying the burden well. Keep it up, my friend, and fear no one. : )

  • i never discriminated people because their skin colour or appearance. I never preconceived any prejudices based on others' opinions or hear-say until i taste it my own. This stubborn open-mind costs me a lot of time and energy too.
    I have harrassed directly n subtly, nastily, lowly, disrespectfully by negros, indians(even good looking one),middle-easterners, bangladesh....Ironically,one of the indian was a devoted vegetarian, sounded and seemed to be very reliable, he ended up didnt return my mobile or said anything bout my mobile(new)(before this, he subtly watch my personal self take photos on my mobile, but i didnt thought much and suspect on him) that i entrusted him. The Bangladesh was a very `praying' guy, but he like to gossip with me about those girls mourning when they hv in the hostel he was working...this is the way he devoted to God.haha! funny joker...
    A Bangladesh girl i met was really kind and friendly...
    I entrusted her with my kitchen utensils before i get a room, then she moved away w my stuffs `politely' and never returned, even i called her several times by phone (she still chat w me like nothing happened and said yes to return my stuff...) and thru facebook(she ignored my message)... If u were me, how much time do u think u hv to remain yr optimistic trust on these people to suck on ur life?
    Do u not end up belong to the `discriminate' team based on all these s**** `coincidentally' by same community of certain cultural?
    Just to let u know that I dont discriminate based on appearance, but the common collective behaviors and mentality (narrow-mindedness)...
    (This doesn't mean that white, yellow are all good. There are some junkies rubbish too. But i'm talking soemthing general...)

  • so instead of blaming others `discriminate' u based on false reason, why not introreflect what made people responsed like this? are u creepy?

  • I think hes a How,me likem fire water type indian insted of a o please sir how may i plesed be to help to help indian

  • are u a dot on your hed,dont eat beef because its ur uncle or a savage??

  • white eyes makum u sad.me no likum white eyes either.me think we should send out smoke singnal and callum up tribe,then drink fire water and takeum back our land. hope this helped

  • We all have our own ghosts and fears.

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