An odd sadness
I'm normally a very happy person. I am a man in my 40s and have had many great relationships with women. I am a better person with a woman in my life.
I have cheated several times in the past but successfully covered it up. I just adore women so much I cannot limit myself to one. I try hard not to hurt my lovers. I eventually break up with my women. I feel like there is too much joy in life to explore, not just sexually, to eliminate options.
I maintain my love for every woman I've ever had a relationship with. Most of them still want me in their lives, if only in occasional and limited ways. There are a couple who dislike me very much because I ended things.
But I am sad today. I am lonely because there hasn't been a woman in my life for several months. I have a couple I've been flirting with but I haven't been able to bring myself to make an actual move. Which is not at all like me.
I have been between women this long before but never felt sad like this.
What is this melancholy?