The more I feel loved, the more I hate myself
I realize all my coworkers love me more than my own family. My boss tells me all the time that I work too hard knowing that I barely eat or sleep. Usually I work straight through my breaks. Lately he's forced me to actually take a break. A few times he's made me food or bought some for me and told me to eat it. Also I've run into him at the gym and he's seen me running my heart out. Any time this happens he always comes over and tells me to calm down and relax a bit because I don't need to be doing all this. Of course I turn the treadmill back on as soon as he walks away. It's just so weird hearing this vs. my parents who always call me fat and lazy.
Then there's this guy there I work with who does the same. Any time a guest is rude to me he'll always defend me. For example one day my mom was there and called me fat. He didn't know it was my mom at the time (they hadn't met yet) and he put his hand on my stomach and said "Excuse me, ma'am, were you talking to her or the baby?". He knows about my family situation and I can tell him anything. Every time we work together he says he'll drive me home. Even last night when I was there just to see a manager who works once a month he tried convincing me to stay another four hours saying that I'd be better off there anyway and it's be more time away from my family.
Everyone else, even those who don't know always great me with hugs. All my coworkers will say how much they love me and how sweet I am. The sad thing is they're like a better family than my own is. I just love them all and the relationships we've all built so much. Outside of work at least once or twice a week we all get together and go out. They really are my best friends.
I just feel so guilty that I'm begining to love them more than my real family. Plus I also feel like I don't deserve them at all.